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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490054">The Diminished Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/barkteeth00/pseuds/barkteeth00'>barkteeth00</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warriors - Erin Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ableism, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe, Brambleclaw kills Firestar AU, Child Abuse, Dissociation, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Flashbacks, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/barkteeth00/pseuds/barkteeth00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Brambleclaw made an impulsive decision to tighten the fox trap around Firestar’s neck. Now known as Bramblestar, he begins to lose his grip on himself, instead becoming overwhelmed by a strange darkness. NOTE: Any specific triggers for each chapter will be listed at the beginning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brambleclaw/Squirrelflight (Warriors)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I - The Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brambleclaw makes a mistake.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Brambleclaw stared down at Firestar. The fox trap was wrapped around his ginger tabby neck, blood seeping from the deep wound. The brown deputy could hardly believe he’d just pulled it tighter and stripped every last life from his former mentor. Ambition and anger had filled his mind. <em>If I’m going to be judged like Tigerstar, I might as well do something deserving of it</em>, he’d thought.</p><p>Hawkfrost’s duck blue eyes were narrowed, and his white muzzle curved up into a triumphant grin. “Good work,” he praised his elder brother. “Now you can lead ThunderClan.”</p><p>Brambleclaw’s mind was fuzzy. <em>Should I have done that?</em> he thought, uncertainty filling him to his ears. <em>Firestar was like a father to me, and I murdered him. All for power.</em> He shook himself, almost as if that would make the doubts go away.</p><p>Brambleclaw showed his teeth in a grin as well, although his showed his inner thoughts. “Yeah,” he mewed quietly. “I’ll be Bramblestar now… I wonder who should be my deputy?”</p><p>“Make it someone who’ll support you through and through – zero doubts!” Hawkfrost suggested, then lowered the excitement in his tone. “Hey, listen. I can tell you’re upset. I understand, I guess; you two must’ve been close.”</p><p>Brambleclaw chuckled darkly. “Yeah. He was my mentor. He… he saved the Clans from BloodClan.” His near-silent chuckling turned to sobs.</p><p>Hawkfrost’s eyes widened as he watched him break down, tears coating his dark cheeks. “Hey, hey!” he meowed, getting closer. “Don’t cry, man. Just… go lead your Clan! You gotta get your lives.”</p><p>“They’ll know I murdered him!” Brambleclaw cried.</p><p>Hawkfrost shushed him rapidly. “Not too loud! You’ll be fine. Just say you found him in a fox trap after he was already dead. That’s all.”</p><p>“What about your scent?” Brambleclaw sniffled, starting to grow calm.</p><p>“You haven’t noticed I covered it up?” Hawkfrost meowed. “There’s mud caked on my pelt! My scent won’t be left behind. We’re fine.”</p><p>“You… you need to get home, Hawkfrost,” Brambleclaw told him. “I’ll handle this.”</p><p>“Good. You repay me later, yeah? I wanna get deputyship!” He gave his half-brother a mischievous grin. “Bye then.”</p><p>The brown-and-white tabby disappeared into the trees, heading in the direction of RiverClan territory. Once he was gone, Brambleclaw felt his emotions well up inside of him again: grief, sadness, guilt… oh, StarClan, so much of it was guilt. His lower jaw trembled, and he started to cry again. Never before had he felt such a wave of feelings crash against him. He wanted to yowl his misery to the sky, yet he cried as quietly as he could manage.</p><p>“Firestar, no!” a feminine voice cried from behind him. He flinched and looked up to see Squirrelflight’s small, dark ginger form.</p><p>Ashfur stood beside her, looking equally shocked. “Oh, StarClan…” he breathed, physically frozen.</p><p>Squirrelflight rushed to her father’s side. Tears quickly broke out from her green eyes, and she buried her muzzle in his now-crimson chest to muffle her sobs. Ashfur broke his still stance to come up beside Brambleclaw.</p><p>“What happened?” he asked.</p><p>“I… I found him stuck in this trap,” Brambleclaw replied quietly. “But by the time I came here, he was… I was too late.”</p><p>Ashfur studied Brambleclaw’s face, his blue gaze stopping at his soaked cheeks and eyes. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he mewed to Squirrelflight, moving to her side. “Firestar was a good leader and a good tom.”</p><p>“I just can’t believe some accident like this took him away…” Squirrelflight murmured tearily, lifting her face up. “He was so strong, so brave… why couldn’t he be taken justly, like in battle? Why did he even have to die at all?”</p><p>Ashfur nodded understandingly. “He had lots of life left in him,” he meowed, sadness heavy in his tone. “The Clan will be distraught.”</p><p>“We need to get him to camp,” Brambleclaw meowed. “You two, help me get him onto my back.”</p><p>Squirrelflight shakily took a nearby stick and stuck it beside Firestar’s neck, then forced the trap open with all of her strength. Ashfur quickly pulled the dead tom out of the trap, and Squirrelflight used the stick to spring it shut once more. Brambleclaw lowered his body as his two Clanmates grabbed Firestar and lifted him onto his back.</p><p>The trio began making their way back to camp, the other two on either side of Brambleclaw to prevent Firestar from falling. Thoughts swarmed his mind. <em>I shouldn’t have killed him</em>, was the top one, although it was painfully obvious at this point. He didn’t even want to lead – not anymore. His heart was heavy with a newfound, gloomy darkness.</p><p>Sunset’s warm pink, orange, and yellow colors spilled over camp as they entered. Everyone seemed to be back in camp already, with the exception of the final hunting patrol of the day. The trio approached the center and gently set Firestar’s lifeless form on the ground. Everyone in camp began surrounding them, murmuring questions amongst themselves.</p><p>“What’s wrong with him?” Birchpaw asked, approaching them to stare wide-eyed at Ashfur.</p><p>“He’s dead,” Brambleclaw answered for the young tom’s mentor. “All of his lives were taken by a fox trap.”</p><p>“Not all of them,” Dustpelt meowed from the gathered crowd. “That’s impossible! Any moment now, he’ll wake up with healed wounds.” Everyone around him murmured in agreement.</p><p>“No, he’s right,” Leafpool spoke up, her voice shaky. “I can sense no more lives left in him. Firestar is gone for good.”</p><p>Gasps and distraught meows struck up from the cats. Everyone had wide eyes and a bristled pelt. Brambleclaw took in the scene and added it to his already wounded heart. <em>I shouldn’t have killed him</em>, he thought desperately, wishing he could undo this tragic mistake.</p><p>“Poor Sandstorm and Cloudtail won’t find out until they get back from the patrol,” Mousefur pointed out from her place next to Longtail.</p><p>“And what about our leader?” Longtail meowed. “Brambleclaw, I’m sure you’ll lead us fine, but you haven’t even mentored yet. And you’re so young!”</p><p>“So many reasons to miss Firestar,” Whitepaw mewed sadly.</p><p>“I’ll still mentor Berrykit when he gets to apprentice age,” Brambleclaw assured the elder. “But all that hardly matters now; we should just mourn Firestar. Leafpool, can you prepare him for vigil?”</p><p>“Of course,” Leafpool murmured, and she ducked away into her den.</p><p>“I’ll help her,” Squirrelflight meowed. “We should do something like this together.”</p><p>“Go ahead,” Brambleclaw encouraged his mate. As he watched her go, he realized that the Clan had fallen silent. Should he say something, or wait until the vigil?</p><p>“Will you name your deputy tonight, Brambleclaw?” Dustpelt asked. “You can wait until tomorrow after your ceremony if you need to, you know.”</p><p>“No, I can do it tonight,” Brambleclaw mewed sadly. “I just… how am I supposed to pick someone as if Firestar never mattered? How will I live up to his legacy?”</p><p>“We senior warriors will be here to help you,” the ticked tabby assured him. “Just please choose someone seasoned for your deputy – someone that balances out your inexperience.”</p><p>Rather than be offended like his father would’ve been, Brambleclaw nodded. “Of course.” After all, he was right: choosing a cat similar in age and experience to himself would only bring trouble for ThunderClan.</p><p>Squirrelflight and Leafpool emerged from the medicine den with herbs in their jaws. They sat beside Firestar and applied the herbs to his pelt, Leafpool guiding her sister. Brambleclaw watched them mask the creeping scent of death until they were finished. Suddenly, he heard several sets of pawsteps at the entrance. He turned his head to see Sandstorm, Cloudtail, Brackenfur, and Brightheart carrying prey.</p><p>The crowd immediately relayed the story of what had happened without Brambleclaw having to. After the patrol placed their prey on the pile, they gathered around Firestar’s body and took turns sharing tongues with him. After them were Leafpool and Squirrelflight, and Brambleclaw felt an urge to do the same.</p><p>
  <em> No, I’m the one who did this. I’ll let everyone else go first. </em>
</p><p>Then came the rest of the warriors, then the two apprentices, and then Mousefur and Longtail. Sorreltail was the last one before Brambleclaw knew he had no choice but to face his former leader for the final time. His paws feeling heavy, he padded over to the corpse and sunk to the ground beside it. He began licking his neck wound, the taste of metal filling his mouth.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Firestar,” he practically whispered in between licks. “I’ll do my best to lead just as you did.”</p><p>After a while, Brambleclaw stood up and moved away. Everyone had chosen a piece of prey from the pile for the day’s final meal, but many were just picking at the fresh-kill instead of fully eating. He chose a small mouse, the final piece, and sat near Highledge. All he wanted to do was toss it away, but he forced every bit down his throat. Nausea swarmed his stomach.</p><p>Leafpool soon approached Firestar and stood near his head. At this point, every cat began to gather in a crowd. Brambleclaw remained in his place, feeling too undeserving to jump onto Highledge in the leader’s place. Once everyone had arrived, the medicine cat began.</p><p>“Firestar, you were a wonderful father, leader, and warrior,” Leafpool meowed solemnly. “You always put ThunderClan before yourself, and you saved all four Clans back in the original territories when Tigerstar and BloodClan proved to be threats. Firestar, may you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep.”</p><p>And with those words, everyone knew that Firestar was in StarClan.</p><p>The crowd looked to Brambleclaw. He was confused until Dustpelt meowed, “So... your choice of deputy is...?”</p><p>Brambleclaw hadn’t actually <em>chosen</em> yet, and that fact alone was obvious through the flicker of panic in his amber eyes. He quickly made his choice based on a few aspects, and he cleared his throat to announce it. It was lucky that he’d already practiced the deputy ceremony in hopes he’d make it to leader someday, although he never expected it to be so early.</p><p>“I say these words before StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice,” Brambleclaw meowed. “The new deputy of ThunderClan is Sandstorm.”</p><p>Positive cheers rippled through the crowd, and he could see surprise shine through Sandstorm’s grief. “Thank you, Brambleclaw,” she meowed once the bittersweet chanting faded. “I would love to be your deputy.”</p><p>“And now the vigil shall begin,” Leafpool announced.</p><p>Sandstorm, Squirrelflight, Cloudtail, Brackenfur, and Brightheart moved to sit by Firestar’s body. The crowd slowly began to disperse as cats headed to their dens, since the sky was dark and everyone’s spirits were down anyway. Brambleclaw began making his way to the grieving cats to join them, but Leafpool approached him.</p><p>“Come on,” she mewed gently. “We have to go to the Moonpool for your ceremony.”</p><p>“But I want to sit vigil for Firestar,” Brambleclaw tried to protest.</p><p>“And so do I, but it’s best you do this as soon as possible,” she assured him. “Let’s go. I’ll show you the way.”</p><p>Brambleclaw followed at Leafpool’s tail, his mind blank. He could hardly even feel the grass underneath his paws. What if StarClan refused to give him his lives for what he’d done? Would Firestar give him a life? How was he supposed to accept a life from the tom he murdered?</p><p>A long amount of time passed before they reached the shimmering Moonpool, and yet it only felt like a heartbeat to Brambleclaw. Leafpool curled up beside the gleaming pool, and Brambleclaw did the same. He watched her touch her pink nose to the water, so he followed. An overwhelming sleepiness suddenly wrapped around him. He felt as if he were lying in the softest nest… he couldn’t hold back any longer…</p><p>Sleep took him, and his mind was in darkness for a brief period before he opened his eyes to see Fourtrees. Warmth enveloped him as he took in the sight of the old forest as it had appeared before the Twolegs’ destruction. He looked up to see Leafpool crouched on the Great Rock, watching from above.</p><p>He suddenly noticed nine misty, vaguely catlike forms in front of him. Cats quickly appeared out of the mist. He looked across them, his heart softening for the ones he recognized – except for the ninth, that of which guilt overcame him.</p><p>The first cat stepped forward. It was a large golden tabby tom with a fluffy ruffle around his neck. “My name is Lionheart,” he meowed. “Lower your head.”</p><p>Brambleclaw did so. <em>Is this how you receive a life?</em> he thought as Lionheart placed his muzzle to the top of his head.</p><p>“With this life, I give you loyalty,” Lionheart told him. “Use it well to dedicate yourself to your Clan, your warriors, your kin, and your beliefs. Never let another cat influence your thoughts on what you should do.”</p><p>The exact moment after he stopped speaking, Brambleclaw felt a terrible pain tear through his insides. He clenched his teeth and did his best to keep any noise from coming out. When it finally ended, he took a few deep breaths and looked up at Lionheart. The tom didn’t acknowledge him further, instead leaving for the second cat to take his place.</p><p>“Hello, Brambleclaw,” Feathertail greeted him, a shimmer of sadness in her eyes.</p><p>How must she see him now? “Feathertail, I can explain,” he told her.</p><p>She shook her head and touched her nose to his still-lowered one. “With this life, I give you compassion,” she mewed. “Use it well to treat every cat – ThunderClan or not – with respect, dignity, and honor. All cats deserve kindness and love, so don’t keep it from anyone.”</p><p>The same type of pain went through him, but it was slightly easier to bear than the first time. He looked up at her as she padded away afterward, disappointed in himself for what he’d done. The third came forward. Bluestar’s wise blue eyes met his sad amber gaze as she placed her nose to his head.</p><p>“With this life, I give you respect for the warrior code,” Bluestar meowed. “Use it well to ensure that you never, ever stray from the set of rules that keep the Clans afloat.”</p><p>This one sounded like a warning, which only added to the physical pain it brought. After it was over, Brambleclaw tried to catch her eye again, but she moved away without looking back. The fourth cat was Yellowfang, a cat he had no real memory of. All he knew was she died in the same fire he almost fell victim to as a kit.</p><p>“With this life, I give you an understanding that not only warriors protect the Clan,” her raspy voice mewed. “Use it well to build strong trust with your medicine cat, your elders, and your queens.”</p><p>After this was the fifth cat, Swiftpaw. “With this life, I give you determination. Use it well to accomplish your worthwhile goals, and to get ThunderClan all it needs to keep moving.”</p><p>The sixth was Tallstar, WindClan’s former leader. “With this life, I give you contemplation. Use it well to determine what is worth fighting for, and what is worth letting go.”</p><p>Seventh was a messy-furred brown tabby who introduced himself as Raggedstar of ShadowClan. “With this life, I give you truth. Use it well to be honest and transparent with those around you, as it’s the only way you’ll truly make it.”</p><p>The eighth cat was Sootfur. “With this life, I give you selflessness. Use it well to put your Clan first. Remember: you fight not for yourself, but for those you lead.”</p><p>The ninth and final cat was Firestar. His expression was blank, but Brambleclaw just knew he was suffering on the inside. Having to give a life to the tom you’d trusted, yet had betrayed you? He couldn’t picture anything worse.</p><p>Firestar touched his nose to Brambleclaw’s forehead. “With this life, I give you justice,” he meowed. “Use it well to serve reasonable punishment to those who deserve it, and to praise those who have done well.”</p><p>Firestar pulled away after the pain passed through Brambleclaw, but he remained in his spot. “I hail you by your new name, Bramblestar. Your old life is no more. You have now received the nine lives of a leader, and StarClan grants you the guardianship of ThunderClan. Defend it well; care for young and old; honor your ancestors and the traditions of the warrior code; live each life with pride and dignity.”</p><p>All nine began to chant his new name, and Bramblestar once more felt the weight of his mistake and the warnings in each new life. While he listened to the chanting, tears leaked from his eyes again. He lowered his head and sobbed.</p><p>“...Bramblestar! Bramblestar! Bramblestar!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. II - The Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bramblestar tells a story.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bramblestar huffed, burrowing deeper into his nest. His right flank suddenly felt much colder than it had been before… he groggily lifted his head and noticed that Squirrelflight wasn’t curled up by his side anymore. How long had she been gone? <em>Probably just left to make dirt</em>, he told himself as he lay his head back down. Sleep took him once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He awoke some time later to meowing a distance away from his den. Sandstorm poked her head inside. “You should get out here,” she told him, ducking out again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar heaved himself up out of his nest and moved out of the den into the bitter cold leaf-bare air. The dark blue sky with tinges of purple, pink, and orange at the bottom signified early dawn, and he glared as he wondered what could be so important when the sun wasn’t even up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, pitiful mewls reached his ears, and he looked to the camp entrance where Squirrelflight and Leafpool stood. Many of his Clanmates were up as well, deciding to watch with bleary eyes near their respective dens. He, as leader, took a more direct approach and padded up to them. He looked at the three kits they carried. They appeared to have recently been born.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you mind explaining where you found these kits?” Bramblestar asked the she-cats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squirrelflight sat the singular kit she held on the fresh layer of snow from the night before. “We were out on a walk because neither of us could sleep, and we found them just inside of our borders,” she meowed. “Whatever she-cat they came from left no scent behind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ferncloud, near the end of her third pregnancy and a recent occupant of the nursery, spoke up to mew, “I can nurse them. I have milk already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t agreed that we can keep them yet,” Bramblestar meowed, but didn’t see why he did so; he had no real reason to refuse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should keep them, but Ferncloud and I will be too busy with our own kits to raise them,” Dustpelt told him. “All she’ll really be able to do is provide milk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They need a foster mother,” Sandstorm meowed. “Clearly. Maybe Daisy can help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s eyes widened from her place beside Ferncloud. “I suppose I could,” she agreed. “My kits aren’t in the nursery anymore, so I have plenty of time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t tell the kits of their presumably rogue heritage,” Bramblestar announced. “They don’t deserve to feel outcast from the Clan. Daisy, if you want to raise these kits, you’ll need to come up with a fake father so that they never grow suspicious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a mate,” Daisy mewed. “Who would I tell them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The tom doesn’t have to help you raise them. It’s just so their birth makes biological sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can tell them it’s me,” Spiderleg spoke up from the sleepy crowd. “I guess. I don’t want kits, but we can pretend I just helped you have them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy nodded. “Could you two please bring the kits in the nursery?” she asked Squirrelflight and Leafpool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squirrelflight picked the little black kit back up off of the ground, and she and Leafpool followed the two queens inside the nursery. Sandstorm opened her mouth wide in a yawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, now that we’re all awake, we might as well get patrols out of the way,” she meowed. “Let’s see… Ashfur, can you take the ShadowClan border patrol? Bring Dustpelt, Brightheart, and Birchpaw.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashfur nodded. “No problem, Sandstorm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cats she named gathered together as she continued, “Cloudtail, please lead the WindClan border patrol. Take Thornclaw and Spiderleg.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alrighty,” Cloudtail mewed with a yawn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take Squirrelflight, Brackenfur, and Whitepaw on the hunting patrol,” Sandstorm meowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar headed into the apprentices’ den as she went on to announce the sunhigh hunting patrol while everyone was still in camp. The three newest apprentices were awake, but they hadn’t opted to come out like Whitepaw and Birchpaw had. They’d only been apprenticed the day before, so they hadn’t built any warrior skills yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Bramblestar,” Hazelpaw greeted the leader politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, good morning,” Mousepaw echoed. “I’m tired. Do we really have to be up yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s up to your mentors,” Bramblestar replied. “Hazelpaw, Rainwhisker isn’t set to patrol until sunhigh by the sounds of it, but I don’t know when he’ll come to mentor you. Mousepaw, Brightheart is on a patrol, but she’ll be back soon; it’s just a border one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about me?” Berrypaw asked. “Are we gonna train right now?” Unlike his littermates, the small cream tom didn’t seem to mind being up early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re already up, so we might as well,” Bramblestar meowed. “Come on, we can go out and start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna get more sleep,” Mousepaw decided aloud. “Even if it’s not much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I might as well be productive and find Rainwhisker,” Hazelpaw mewed, then looked to Berrypaw. “Maybe we can train together!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as Rainwhisker agrees, we’d be glad to have you,” Bramblestar told her. “We can go ask him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led the two apprentices out as their brother curled back up in his nest. Rainwhisker was approaching the den as they came out. His pale eyes widened slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey there, Bramblestar,” he meowed. “Are you looking to mentor together today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They want us to,” Bramblestar replied, motioning to the apprentices. “I’m fine with it if you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Rainwhisker mewed. “I was thinking the first thing I would start teaching Hazelpaw was hunting. You know, considering it’s leaf-bare and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same here.” In actuality, Tigerstar had previously advised him to start with fighting. <em>Hunting is more important</em>, he assured himself. <em>Tigerstar isn’t always right.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Then let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two toms began heading out of camp, and their apprentices followed right behind. “By the way, thanks for making me a mentor,” Rainwhisker meowed. “It means a lot to me. Especially with Sootfur’s death, it’s… nice to have something to focus on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar nodded. “You’re a good tom, so I’d figured you’d mentor well. And I’m glad you have something now. I’m sure Sootfur being gone must hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He died from the badgers, right?” Berrypaw spoke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he… died a hero.” Rainwhisker smiled sadly. “But I guess you and I both know loss, Bramblestar. Though my father died when I was a kit, and yours died just about a moon ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar frowned. “Firestar wasn’t my father. Tigerstar was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but Firestar basically <em>was</em> your father, though,” Rainwhisker meowed. “He taught you everything you know, and you were close with him. Same difference, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I… I guess so,” Bramblestar mewed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s Tigerstar?” Hazelpaw asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask the elders after you do your duties today, and they might tell you about him,” Rainwhisker replied. “Longtail was even close to him once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, <em>I’ll</em> tell them later,” Bramblestar meowed. “I want to tell it exactly how it was, and I know my father better than anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you hardly knew him, Bramblestar. The others know him better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna hear it from Bramblestar!” Berrypaw mewed. “He’s told me stories before, and he’s good at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But stories are for kits,” Hazelpaw mewed. “I wanna hunt!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thinking,” Rainwhisker praised her. “Let’s stop right here then, and we can begin the lesson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All four cats stopped walking, and the two mentors turned to face their apprentices. “So who here knows how to do a hunting crouch?” Bramblestar asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*•*•*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar led the three cats back to camp when the sun was nearly at its peak. “Seems like the dawn patrol wasn’t a success,” he noted, looking at the pile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s enough for the elders, queens, and medicine cats at least,” Rainwhisker meowed. “Besides, it’s leaf-bare. It’s to be expected. But we’ve survived worse, and we’ll survive now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just work hard on that patrol,” Bramblestar mewed. “We need all the prey we can get.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rainwhisker nodded and padded away to gather his patrol. Bramblestar looked down at the apprentices and told them, “Go do your duties and come back to me later. I’ll tell you about Tigerstar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After he watched them run off, Bramblestar entered his den underneath Highledge. He crashed into his nest with a grunt, and he allowed sleep to take him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his amber eyes to see the Dark Forest surrounding him. Tigerstar stood before him, only about a tail length away. “I didn’t know you were an elder,” he meowed. “Don’t you have anything better to spend your time on than storytelling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you <em>want</em> a stained legacy?” Bramblestar retorted. “I’m going to make them think you weren’t all bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t bad at all,” Tigerstar growled. “That’s the problem: they all take what I did and spin it into something terrible. Just because <em>they</em> want to meddle with kittypets and half-breeds doesn’t mean they should push it onto their kits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Tigerstar, but they won’t accept that you did nothing wrong. It’s easier to tell them that you weren’t fully evil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tigerstar huffed. “Fine. But why did you come to me at sunhigh? You could be awake leading your Clan. Or even hunting to feed your warriors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bramblestar?” a she-cat’s voice echoed in his ears. “I have to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Bramblestar saw a flash of darkness cross his vision before the view of the Dark Forest was replaced with Leafpool in the entrance of his den. He yawned and got to his paws.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry to wake you,” Leafpool meowed. ”I just heard you were back from training, and I wanted to speak with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what?” he asked. “I expect it’s important.” His irritation crept into his tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, of course,” she mewed, seeming slightly uncomfortable. “Well, I believe this leaf-bare’s greencough epidemic is already beginning. Sorreltail told me she felt sick, so I checked her and her kits for illness. Turns out she and Molekit have whitecough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have them isolated in the medicine den, and I’m checking every cat in the Clan for whitecough,” she continued. “I just wanted to let you know about the situation.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, thank you,” Bramblestar meowed. “It’s good that you informed me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well.” She looked up at him, having previously been avoiding his gaze. “I need to check you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m showing no symptoms, and I feel fine,” he told her. “If I start to feel sick, I’ll tell you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not good enough. I need to actually examine you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar scrunched his muzzle in a growl, “I don’t need to be examined. I told you that I’m fine. Go do your duties.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leafpool narrowed her eyes. “Fine,” she meowed sharply. “If you get a cat sick, then that’s something you’ll have to carry.” She lashed her tail and turned to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar watched her go, ambivalence filling him slowly. Why couldn’t he just let her check him for illness? Just as he was about to follow her and apologize, his pelt bristled at the thought of the examination. He unsheathed the claws on a hind foot and scratched his neck, desperately trying to distract himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decided to busy his worrisome mind with the three new kits from that morning. He got to his paws and headed to the nursery. Sorreltail’s nest was empty; he’d seen her daughters playing together just outside. Ferncloud was peacefully napping, and Daisy was surprisingly awake. Her gaze was fixated at the den wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Daisy?” Bramblestar whispered to get her attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy’s blue eyes dashed over to him. “Oh!” she mewed just as quietly. “Good to see you. The kits are asleep right now. Did you come to see them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I expect you could tell me how they’re doing at least,” he replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re good. Leafpool looked them over, and she concluded that they’re healthy newborns. How fortunate for us. I’ve just been thinking of potential names.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me. I might be able to help you decide.” He offered a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I thought Ravenkit might be nice for the little black one,” Daisy mewed. “She looks just like one! But Squirrelflight gave her opinion this morning, and she said she liked Hollykit. Both are nice. Which do you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holly berries are poisonous,” Bramblestar pointed out. “I wouldn’t like to correlate a kit with poison.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Ravenkit it is then!” Daisy purred, curling her fluffy tail. “For the golden tabby, I liked Lionkit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she could say anything else, Bramblestar quickly mewed, “Maybe not that. You… might, you know… put a lot of pressure to succeed on him with one of our ancestor’s names. I mean, lions? Who could beat <em>them</em>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm…” Daisy narrowed her eyes in thought for a moment. “Okay then. How about Finchkit? He could easily succeed <em>their</em> legacy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Bramblestar chuckled nervously, relieved that he wouldn’t have anyone around who would be a reminder of the strange life he’d been given by Lionheart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So all that’s left is the little gray tabby. I thought Jaykit would be nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I like that,” Bramblestar meowed. “Look at you with your little birds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Daisy laughed quietly. “My little baby birds. Oh, I love them so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But they aren’t yours,” Bramblestar mewed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, they’re not,” she agreed. “But I feel the same love as if they were, and that’s fine. We all find love where we can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar stared down at the three former orphans. Only one had a real ThunderClan build, the other two being lean and on the smaller side. <em>Refusing them would’ve been foolish</em>, he reassured the hesitant part of his mind. <em>We could always use more warriors.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet that part kept nagging him, <em>Where’s their mother? No queen just abandons a whole litter and leaves no trace. No trace means it was done purposefully. That wouldn’t ever happen.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bramblestar…?” Daisy mewed. “You’ve been standing there for a while. Is there anything else you wanted?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar shook his head, less of a response and more to bring himself back. “No. No, thank you. Good luck with the kits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned and exited the nursery. He tilted his head upwards to check the sky. It was hardly after sunhigh. How was he supposed to fill the day? <em>Hunting. Hunting is good, and productive, and useful. I’ll hunt.</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as he was about to leave camp to do so, Berrypaw and Hazelpaw ran up to him. “We did the elders!” Berrypaw mewed. “The others can do the queens, can’t they? I wanna hear the story!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar sighed. “Yeah, sure. Get yourselves a piece of prey and come to my den. I’ll tell you there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed inside of his den and sat in his nest, waiting for the two half-grown cats to enter. It wasn’t long before they did, Berrypaw carrying a squirrel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it would be nice if we only took one piece and shared it since there’s not a lot,” Hazelpaw explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw threw it to the ground grumpily. “No reason why the others can’t eat after the second hunting patrol comes back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sit down, both of you, and eat,” Bramblestar ordered. “I’ll tell you everything while you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar began with Redtail’s murder. “It was wrong, of course, but Tigerstar was wrapped up in a messy mind of ambition,” he added after explaining how it had occurred. “He had never been taught how to channel it in a healthy way. You see, his father gave up leadership to be a kittypet when he was only a kit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw gasped, “No way! But why would he give up being a leader and having a family just to be lazy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, but maybe if he’d stuck around, Tigerstar would’ve known how to deal with his ambition properly,” Bramblestar replied. He went on with the story, detailing Tigerstar’s secret alliance with Blackstar to attack ThunderClan and kill Lionheart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hazelpaw choked on a bit of meat from surprise. “I heard from Goldenflower that Lionheart was killed directly by Blackfoot! He must’ve wanted the first attack to be the one that eliminated him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw nodded. “How evil! Lionheart sounded really nice in all Goldenflower’s stories about him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar sighed. “Well, it was complicated. Tigerstar didn’t lead directly to Lionheart’s death. He didn’t kill him himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess not,” Berrypaw mewed. “But he still died from what he did, right? So what happened next?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar went on with detailing Tigerstar’s rogue attack and how he’d finally been revealed. “Imagine how alone he must’ve felt. How exposed and vulnerable he was in that moment, all of ThunderClan glaring at him with disappointment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he killed cats and was a traitor!” Hazelpaw protested. “Didn’t he deserve it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No cat deserves that amount of ridicule, Hazelpaw, no matter what they’ve done,” Bramblestar meowed. “They deserve a second chance to make things right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could keep going, Longtail poked his head in. “Hey, are you two going to clean out our nests?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar’s eyes widened. “They said they did their duties already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, they checked us for ticks and gave us fresh-kill, but our nests aren’t fresh,” Longtail meowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw shuffled his paws. “Sorry, Bramblestar. We thought it would be okay if the others finished it when they got back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Hazelpaw echoed, licking her chest fur. “We won’t do it again. We just wanted to hear the story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar lashed his tail. “You kits <em>lied</em> to me. Your own leader! Am I a joke to you?” He looked to Longtail. “Go away, Longtail. They’ll come finish in a moment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Longtail backed out as Berrypaw mewed, “We’re really sorry! We’ll finish it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you definitely will,” Bramblestar hissed. “But to learn your lesson, you’ll need more than that. You two will do all the apprentice duties for a moon, by yourselves. The other three won’t be allowed to help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two apprentices nodded. “Okay,” Hazelpaw murmured. “We deserve to be punished. We’re sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you two will eat only once a day, right before you go to sleep at night, for as long as your punishment lasts. Leaf-bare is here; this is a sacrifice that you can make. It’s not as if you deserve anything more after taking it for granted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did we take it for granted?” Berrypaw asked quietly, flattening his ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The warrior code states that the leader’s word is law,” Bramblestar meowed angrily. “You’re going to question me? And if I find out either of you go against this punishment, you’ll face something even worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both cats lowered their heads and meekly left the den. Bramblestar stared after them, his claws clenching his bedding. Suddenly, he felt the tension and anger leave him with only bewilderment. <em>What am I doing? Why did I react that way? That was so similar to how Tiger-</em></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shook his head. <em>I’m nothing like him. That was a perfectly fine punishment.</em> He used his paw to bring the half-eaten squirrel closer to him, but he didn’t take a bite. He just kept his large paw on the prey as he stared into its lifeless black eyes.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. III - Lost in the Forest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bramblestar talks to a kit.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning: derealization, mild ableism.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I finally got an apprentice,” Hawkfrost announced, his chin held high. “Her name is Minnowpaw.”</p><p>“Good,” Tigerstar meowed. “Are you ready for deputyship then?”</p><p>Hawkfrost nodded confidently, a grin spread across his muzzle. “Never been more ready in my life.”</p><p>Tigerstar turned to look at his elder son. “Bramblestar, you’ll help him.”</p><p>Bramblestar’s amber eyes widened. “How do you expect me to? I could get rid of Mistyfoot, but how do you know Leopardstar would choose Hawkfrost as deputy?”</p><p>“I’ll send a fake StarClan sign to Mothwing’s apprentice, just as I did with Leafpool when you were chosen,” Tigerstar replied. “You two must come up with a plan to kill Mistyfoot together. I’ll leave it in your paws.”</p><p>Bramblestar scrambled for words. “<em>You</em> sent the sign?” he eventually got out. “I thought…”</p><p>“StarClan would never choose a kit of mine,” Tigerstar growled. “I had to take things into my own paws. I’ll send Hawkfrost’s sign tonight, and Mistyfoot can die after Willowpaw correctly interprets it.”</p><p>Bramblestar wanted to argue further, find any reason not to kill Mistyfoot, but instead nodded obediently. “Yes, Tigerstar.” He looked to his brother. “Any thoughts?”</p><p>“I already have a bit of a plan,” Hawkfrost confessed with a mischievous smile. “Come over here. Let me fill you in.”</p><p>“Oh? Your father isn’t allowed to hear?” Tigerstar flicked an ear.</p><p>“It’ll be a surprise!” Hawkfrost mewed, waving him off with a forepaw.</p><p>Bramblestar padded over to Hawkfrost, close enough that their whiskers touched. “Alright, tell me. What’s your plan?”</p><p>Hawkfrost gave another grin before speaking.</p><p>*•*•*</p><p>Bramblestar stretched awake in his den, hardly feeling rested at all. Every so often was he allowed a night off from training with Tigerstar, but recently those breaks were few and far between. The urge to betray his father and refuse to attend crept up on him once again, but he shoved it out of his mind.</p><p>“Good morning, love,” he whispered to Squirrelflight, who was a dark ginger furball nestled beside him.</p><p>Squirrelflight lifted her head sleepily, her dark eyes drooping. “G’morning…” she mumbled, then broke off into a yawn.</p><p>Bramblestar’s yawn came only a heartbeat later. He laughed softly, then asked, “Do you wanna train together?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Squirrelflight replied. “I don’t know how well Honeypaw would respond to Berrypaw, though. He’s more experienced. Maybe you should stick to Rainwhisker and Hazelpaw.”</p><p>Bramblestar huffed. “Rainwhisker is a good cat, but Hazelpaw…” He shook his head.</p><p>“That mouse-brained elder incident was a <em>moon</em> ago, Bramblestar,” his mate mewed with a sigh. “She’s not as immature as she was then. Every cat changes over the course of their apprenticeship, especially when faced with harsh punishment.”</p><p>“My punishment wasn’t harsh!” he meowed, lashing his tail. “You’re just soft.”</p><p>“<em>Me</em>? Soft? You better take that back, or I’ll do away with your pelt.” She bared her teeth playfully.</p><p>“No way,” Bramblestar growled. “I’m just gonna call a Clan meeting and say, ‘Everyone, I have important news. Our so-called strong warrior Squirrelflight, is actually a major mouse-heart.’”</p><p>Squirrelflight sprung onto him with a cry and tackled him, hooking her claws into his soft belly fur. He yowled and wrapped his forearms around her, using what little space left in the den to flip her onto her back beside him. They both lay breathlessly, soaking in the kitlike fun.</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry for intruding,” a voice mewed humorously, and the pair turned to see Sandstorm standing in the entrance.</p><p>“Uh, you’re… fine,” Bramblestar mumbled, getting to his paws.</p><p>“Is Honeypaw up?” Squirrelflight asked her mother, quickly shifting to a sitting position.</p><p>“Sure is,” Sandstorm replied. “She wants to train with her sisters. You’ll have to check with Thornclaw and Spiderleg if you're up to it.”</p><p>“Nah, I’m good. I wanna train her alone for a while.” Squirrelflight stood and turned her head to look at Bramblestar. “See you later. Gotta go mentor.”</p><p>“Same here. Have fun.” Bramblestar gave his mate a small smile as she left the den.</p><p>“I have news from Leafpool,” Sandstorm told him. “Molekit doesn’t seem to have any chance of recovery, and Longtail fell ill last night.”</p><p>“How’d he get sick? We’ve been containing it so well!”</p><p>Sandstorm shook her head. “It’s just natural. At least no warriors or apprentices have caught it.”</p><p>Bramblestar frowned. “Except for Sorreltail.”</p><p>Shortly after Sorreltail’s and Molekit’s whitecough had turned to greencough, Sorreltail passed while everyone else was asleep. Goldenflower had also caught it and had been quarantined with Molekit, but her age got the better of her, and it wasn’t long before she joined StarClan as well.</p><p>“Yes, but at least this leaf-bare doesn’t seem too devastating,” Sandstorm meowed, desperately trying to seem even somewhat optimistic.</p><p>“Scratch on bark,” Bramblestar huffed. “Well, thanks for telling me. Is Longtail quarantined?”</p><p>“Sure is. Good thing too, because the last thing we need is more sick cats.”</p><p>“Good. Now let’s deal with patrols.” He left the den with her.</p><p>“Do you want to go on one?” Sandstorm asked.</p><p>“No, there’s something I have to do here in camp,” Bramblestar replied. “In fact, send Berrypaw on one; I can’t mentor until later.”</p><p>“How’s his hunting?”</p><p>“Subpar, at best,” he admitted.</p><p>“Then he can patrol the ShadowClan border with Squirrelflight and Honeypaw. Tell them?”</p><p>“Sure thing.” He headed over to where his mate was speaking with Honeypaw. “You two got the ShadowClan border.”</p><p>“This early in the morning?” Honeypaw mewed.</p><p>“Don’t worry, we can train plenty afterward,” Squirrelflight reassured her, then looked to Bramblestar. “Who else is coming?”</p><p>“Just Berrypaw,” he replied.</p><p>“You don’t want to come?” she mewed with surprise.</p><p>Bramblestar shook his head. “Can’t. I have business with one of the kits.”</p><p>“Oh, right!” Squirrelflight meowed, nodding. “I forgot. Good luck then. Come on, Honeypaw!”</p><p>The two she-cats padded off, and Bramblestar entered the den. Ferncloud and her two young kits, Foxkit and Icekit, were curled up together. Daisy’s fluffy tail covered her one-moon-old foster litter as she slept peacefully.</p><p>Bramblestar nudged her gently until she woke. “I need to borrow your son for a talk.”</p><p>“Finchkit?”</p><p>“Jaykit, actually,” he corrected.</p><p>Daisy tapped her gray tabby kit with a hind paw. His head rose. “What?” he grumbled.</p><p>“Go with Bramblestar,” Daisy whispered.</p><p>Jaykit got to his paws and followed Bramblestar out, following so closely behind that his nose touched the tip of his tail. His glassy blue eyes stared at nothing as he followed Bramblestar to his den. The tabby leader settled into his nest.</p><p>“Please, take a seat.”</p><p>Jaykit did so, and he curled his thin tail around his paws. “What is it?” he asked. Anyone could tell he was grumpy at being woken up early, but he – like any kit – was hesitant to show that to his leader.</p><p>“You want to be a warrior, right?” Bramblestar asked. “Hunting and fighting with your Clanmates?”</p><p>Jaykit nodded. “More than anything.”</p><p>“Well—“</p><p>“And you might think that because I’m blind, I can’t be a warrior,” Jaykit continued, interrupting Bramblestar. “But I insist that I can. I’ve been learning so much from the apprentices.”</p><p>“Jaykit, I’m sorry,” Bramblestar meowed gravely. “You must accept the fact that you will never be a warrior. It’s impossible for a blind cat to be of any use to a Clan warrior-wise.”</p><p>Jaykit lashed his tail angrily. “It makes no sense why I can’t be,” he meowed. “My other senses make up for my blindness well enough!”</p><p>“Blindness is a very severe condition. Do you not understand that it made Longtail, a young warrior, retire? You will never be a warrior. It’s sad, but-“</p><p>“You’re wrong!” Jaykit growled. “I’m going to be a warrior.”</p><p><em>He disrespects you</em>, a voice hissed into his ear. <em>Teach this young outsider some manners.</em> Before Bramblestar could stop himself, he’d raised a forepaw and had striked Jaykit across the cheek with enough force to send him crashing to the den floor. Luckily, he’d had enough control to keep his claws sheathed at least.</p><p>“Ouch!” Jaykit yelped, scrambling back onto his paws. “Why did you do that?!”</p><p>Bramblestar bared his teeth, despite the fact he knew the kit couldn’t see it. Words spilled out of his mouth without him willing them, “Listen here. You’re going to be a good little medicine cat apprentice, since you’re good for nothing else, and you’ll leave warriorhood to abled cats.”</p><p>Jaykit’s ears flattened, but the kit kept his chin raised with defiance. “No, I’m not. I’m gonna be a warrior. <em>And</em> I’m gonna tell Daisy that you hit me!” The fear in his unseeing eyes was contradicted by his fierce words.</p><p>Bramblestar, in a flash, had Jaykit pinned to the ground with a single paw. “Do that, and I’ll send you, your mother, and all of your siblings back to the barn she came from.”</p><p>Through his paw, Bramblestar could feel the kit’s heart pounding rapidly, but Jaykit’s tough look never wavered. “I <em>will</em> be a warrior,” was all he spat at the leader.</p><p>Bramblestar’s anger subsided quickly, and he suddenly saw something he hadn’t noticed before. “You’re very determined,” he noted aloud. “And foolishly brave.”</p><p>Jaykit took a few shallow breaths. “So?” he growled.</p><p>“Curious,” Bramblestar murmured. “Maybe you <em>can</em> be a warrior. You certainly have the spirit.”</p><p>Jaykit almost seemed hopeful. “I can?” he asked quietly, while still trying to sound tough.</p><p>Bramblestar freed him from the ground, then sat back in his nest. He thought for a moment. “As long as you keep this little disagreement to yourself, you can be a warrior.”</p><p>Jaykit looked blindly at his paws. “Sure, okay,” he mumbled.</p><p>Both toms were much calmer now. In honesty, Bramblestar had no idea where his uncharacteristic anger came from. He would <em>never</em> hit anyone, much less a kit! Out of pride, he hid his regret and simply hissed at Jaykit to leave with another reminder to keep the argument secret.</p><p><em>Good</em>, the same voice from earlier purred in his ear, and he now recognized it as Tigerstar. <em>Good boy. Don’t be afraid to assert your dominance. Kits getting hit is the least of your Clan’s worries.</em></p><p>Bramblestar’s regret lessened slightly as he took his father’s words to heart. <em>He’s right. No one will care as long as it keeps cats in line. Besides, sometimes that’s the only form of punishment that works.</em></p><p>Bramblestar then took up the complicated situation of how Jaykit would even be a warrior. He’d promised the feisty kit that he would be able to train as one, but he was still lost on how that would be possible. Perhaps Tigerstar would have some guidance? His father had advised him to make him be a medicine cat, but maybe he had something to help with the new situation.</p><p>Bramblestar curled up in his nest and fell asleep, then opened his eyes to see the Dark Forest. “Greetings once again. Back so soon?”</p><p>Bramblestar looked up to see Tigerstar. “Oh, um… I just need some advice with the Jaykit situation. What do I do?”</p><p>Tigerstar let out an agitated hiss, “Such a fool my son has become. Has your power lessened so greatly that you must follow a puny kit’s orders?”</p><p>“I didn’t know what else to do!” Bramblestar growled back, his anger once more taking him instantly. “Please, Tigerstar, just tell me what to do. I need help.”</p><p>Bramblestar couldn’t believe his begging tone. Never before had he lowered himself so much to Tigerstar. He couldn’t control his words; he was filled with helplessness. His behavior reminded himself of that of a kit, and that made shame bring heat to his ear tips.</p><p>Tigerstar stood in silence for a very, very long time. His pale amber gaze was distant with thought. Eventually, he murmured, “I suppose something can come of this.”</p><p>Bramblestar let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. What’s your plan?”</p><p>“Here’s what you’ll do,” Tigerstar began. “Just keep in mind that if Longtail doesn’t survive his fight with greencough, Jaykit won’t be a warrior.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“You’ll make Longtail come out of retirement to mentor him. Jaykit will learn everything but fighting, and he’ll be taught to use his lean build to his advantage by using agility to avoid battle at all costs. Although, this will unfortunately instill cowardice in him.”</p><p>“But he’ll be mincemeat if he’s ever in battle,” Bramblestar murmured. “Yeah, I get it now. Thanks, Tigerstar.”</p><p>Tigerstar nodded. “Now get up and lead your Clan. What are you, a kittypet?”</p><p>“I was raised by one,” Bramblestar mewed without thinking.</p><p>Tigerstar chuckled: a rarity. “Clever. And now that soft kittypet is lazing in StarClan, while I slave away down here.”</p><p>Bramblestar frowned. “Why didn’t you just recruit Firestar when he was still practically a kit? He would’ve been easy. And then he never would’ve foiled your plans.”</p><p>“I don’t want anything to do with kittypets,” Tigerstar growled. “You may be right that it probably would’ve saved me in the end, but it simply never would’ve happened. Now get up.”</p><p>Bramblestar opened his eyes to see his den. Only a few moments later, Berrypaw entered. “I’m back!” he meowed. “From the patrol.”</p><p>“Did you three meet any ShadowClan cats?” Bramblestar asked.</p><p>Berrypaw nodded. “Just <em>their</em> border patrol. Russetfur was leading it.”</p><p>“You didn’t know any of the other warriors?”</p><p>Berrypaw shook his head. “Because I couldn’t go to the Gathering. Maybe if I went, I would’ve known their names at least.”</p><p>“It was part of your punishment for being sneaky,” Bramblestar told him, getting to his paws. “Stop complaining, or I might just make your tail even shorter.”</p><p>Despite his mentor’s joking tone in the threat, Berrypaw instantly lowered his head in submission. “Yes, Bramblestar. I’m sorry.” His voice shook.</p><p>Bramblestar raised a brow. “...Right. Well, let’s get going. Let’s train.”</p><p>“I’ve got a question for you, though,” Berrypaw mewed. “Uh, well… I was just wondering if you knew a cat named Brokenstar?”</p><p>“Yeah. He was in the story about Tigerstar that I told you. Why?”</p><p>Berrypaw shuffled his paws. “Nevermind. Let’s just train.”</p><p>“No, I want to hear about Brokenstar,” Bramblestar ordered. “Tell me what you wanted to say.”</p><p>Berrypaw didn’t answer for a while. Eventually, a growl from Bramblestar prompted him to mew, “Okay! He… came to me in my dreams last night. He talked to me and showed me a cool battle move.”</p><p>Bramblestar lashed his tail. “In your dreams? Was he in a shadowy forest, with black trees that had no leaves? Was the sky above void of stars?”</p><p>Berrypaw nodded. “He said to keep it a secret, and that he would come for me again, but I thought you should know.”</p><p>“Don’t talk to him again!” Bramblestar growled, making his once-bold apprentice flinch. “He’s evil. Why would you want to associate with a cat like him?!”</p><p>“I-I don’t. It was just one time, and I didn’t think—“</p><p>“Didn’t think what? That talking to a former tyrant was a bad idea?!”</p><p>Berrypaw recoiled. “I didn’t mean that. Bramblestar, I promise I only meant to learn the move. He said it would help a lot in battle—”</p><p>“I’m very disappointed in you, Berrypaw,” Bramblestar growled. “You keep disobeying the warrior code time and time again.”</p><p>“That isn’t part of the warrior code,” he meowed quietly.</p><p>“Stop questioning me. You’ve gone too far this time. You act like a rogue. Is that what you are, Berrypaw? Just a rogue, pretending that he’s suited to Clan life? Maybe you’d be happier out beyond our borders.”</p><p>Berrypaw’s eyes widened at the threat. “No, I’m sorry!” he mewed. “I’ll stop. I’ll follow the warrior code and everything you say.”</p><p>Bramblestar nodded. “Good. Now let’s get training. Your hunting isn’t the best, so we should work on that.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Berrypaw murmured in agreement, seeming slightly nervous to say anything else.</p><p>“Well, let’s go to the Sky Oak,” the leader meowed. “Plenty of prey there. You think you’ll catch something?” He started heading out of the den.</p><p>Berrypaw only shrugged silently as he followed behind. Bramblestar’s heart sank when he realized that the once fiery, energetic kit was reduced to a meek and afraid apprentice. <em>What happened to him?</em> he wondered silently, wishing he had an answer. Instead of thinking upon it further, he did his best to ignore the thought and instead focused on the path to the Sky Oak.</p><p>Yet no matter how much he tried to focus, every step he took felt wrong. After a few moments, he couldn’t even recognize the path anymore. Where was the path to the Sky Oak? Wait, Sky Oak…? Why did that landmark name sound so unfamiliar? Then just for a heartbeat, he recognized his surroundings and tried putting himself back on track.</p><p>Where was he going again? The Sky Oak… right, of course! He kept padding forward— wait, this wasn’t the way to the Sky Oak. Why was he headed back to camp? <em>This isn’t right</em>, he thought, trying not to let his confusion surface. He stopped walking and stood perfectly still. The forest around him was eerily silent, even so to the point where he forgot that he had his apprentice with him.</p><p>Berrypaw! He slowly turned his head to see the small cream tom. He knew that this was his apprentice, and always had been, but he couldn’t recognize his appearance. He hadn’t always looked this way, had he? The tom’s eyes widened with concern for his mentor’s unusual behavior.</p><p>“Bramblestar, my legs hurt,” Berrypaw mewed. “Can we do some training? All this standing around is uncomfortable.”</p><p>“We’ve only been here for a few moments, Berrypaw,” Bramblestar managed to choke out.</p><p>Berrypaw <em>really</em> looked worried now. “Bramblestar, we’ve been standing here since halfway to sunhigh.”</p><p>At that, Bramblestar narrowed his eyes and glanced upwards at the sun’s position. “It’s past sunhigh?!“</p><p>They had been standing there for hours.</p><p>“I wanted to say something or even just sit down, but you’re acting really weird, so I was too scared,” Berrypaw explained. “Are you okay now?”</p><p>Bramblestar nodded slowly, although he wasn’t even fully sure. He recognized the area as right beside one of the rogue borders, and suddenly he felt so incredibly embarrassed. How had he, Clan leader, not recognized his own territory? And how had he headed in a completely separate direction from the Sky Oak?</p><p>“So much time has gone,” he murmured with disappointment.</p><p>“Can we still train?” Berrypaw asked hopefully.</p><p>Bramblestar shook his head. “No. It’s best we get back to camp. I need to speak with Leafpool.” He turned and began heading towards camp, deeply unsettled by what had happened.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the derealization was difficult to write, despite my own personal experiences. i still don’t even feel that i captured how distressing it can be, but i think it’s a well enough representation.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. IV - Different Sight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bramblestar has a nice conversation with Leafpool while Jaykit listens in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning: mentions of derealization and grief, mild ableism.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaykit was a determined tom, to say the very least. Ever since his blind eyes had opened, he’d tussled with the apprentices in play fights, and he would memorize the moves they’d used to practice later on by himself. He asked another queen in the nursery, Ferncloud, to teach him the hunting crouch. She used her paw to guide him into the exact position, and he would go back into it regularly to make sure he never forgot it.</p><p>Why did he do this? A few days after he first opened his eyes and explored camp, Ferncloud’s mate named Dustpelt told him, “Watch your step, Jaykit! You don’t wanna trip on anything, or you might just fall headfirst into the medicine den.”</p><p>He had taken this literally, and went on to inform the warrior that he wasn’t near the medicine den and would be fine. Later on when he arrived back at the nursery for his nap, Ferncloud apologized and explained what he had meant.</p><p>“Honey, he meant that because you can’t see, you might not be a warrior. You might be stuck as Leafpool’s apprentice. It was a rude joke, and I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”</p><p>Ravenkit and Finchkit never once received comments like that, not through the several days they’d been toddling around. Finchkit was complimented on his play fighting, and Ravenkit was told she would make a fine warrior, but it was always “Be careful, Jaykit,” or, “Are you doing okay, Jaykit?”</p><p>It was purely exhausting.</p><p>When Jaykit peered into the minds of cats who spoke to him this way – and it was practically everyone – he could feel clouds of pity brushing his fur. The amounts of it choked him, and he could never view their minds for long. It was every day he held back angry retorts, but he led by his mother’s example, and he instead quietly replied with “I’m fine,” or, “I’ll be careful.”</p><p>The medicine cat, Leafpool, herself was a strange case. He regularly sought out everyone’s minds out of boredom, but each time he tried hers, sharp thistles and thorns blocked his way. Her mind was open to no one, and she seemed all too skilled at covering that up. The only other cat that was similar was the leader.</p><p>Bramblestar was a mysterious leader. He was often out of camp, training his apprentice named Berrypaw. When he was in camp, he stuck with his mate, Squirrelflight. Yet no matter how he seemed to be feeling, his mind was always heavy with a sort of fog-like substance that made Jaykit feel sick. He asked the queens about something like this, and Daisy had no answer, but Ferncloud told him from his descriptions that it sounded like smoke.</p><p>“It comes from fire,” she explained. “Where did you say you felt it, in a dream?”</p><p>Jaykit only nodded in response.</p><p>That <i>smoke</i> was all Bramblestar’s mind had to offer. Every so often he would hear a tom talking about the best way to catch prey, or explaining how to execute a battle move, referring to the listener as “Bramblepaw.” That was all he ever got out of the strange tom.</p><p>One day, he was brought in the leader’s den for a talk. They ended up arguing, and Jaykit found himself lying on the floor after being hit. He quickly searched Bramblestar’s mind on instinct as he jumped to his paws, yet nothing happened. Not even the smoke or the faint meows of the stranger. His heart began to race even faster: whoever this tom was, it wasn’t Bramblestar. It wasn’t <i>anyone</i>.</p><p>After Bramblestar calmed down and sat back in his nest, Jaykit began to choke on the smoke covering his mind once more. He was so very afraid of whatever that strange entity had been that had taken over his leader, but he refused to show that. He quietly agreed to keep what had happened a secret, and he ran quickly out of the den. </p><p>He dashed into the nursery and nuzzled into his mother’s long belly fur. “How was the talk?” she asked him in a whisper.</p><p>Jaykit took a few deep breaths. “It was okay. He just wanted to talk to me about being a warrior.”</p><p>He could feel Daisy’s hope for him easily; her mind took hardly any effort to see. “And what did he say?”</p><p>“I can be a warrior.”</p><p>She let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. I’m so happy for you, Jaykit.”</p><p>He nuzzled closer to her, letting out a faint purr. No matter what had taken Bramblestar’s mind earlier, Jaykit would still be a warrior.</p><p>*•*•*</p><p>Later on in the day, Jaykit was tussling with Finchkit. “Jaystar, you must back down!” Finchkit growled, grasping an ear with his sharp teeth. “ThunderClan will not win this battle. Are you too mouse-brained to see that?!”</p><p>“RiverClan doesn’t say ‘mouse-brain,’ mouse-brain,” Ravenkit pointed out from where she lay by the sidelines. “They say ‘fish-brain.’”</p><p>“Fish-brain!” Finchkit yowled, battering Jaykit’s pale fur with his forepaws.</p><p>“Finchstar, your warriors will not gain Sunningrocks for themselves with such pitiful fighting!” Jaykit hissed, retaliating by taking his littermate’s fluffy tail in his mouth and yanking it.</p><p>Finchkit let out a squeal. “How did you even catch my tail?” he asked, breaking character. “You can’t see to lunge for it.”</p><p>Jaykit held back a retort, since he could see genuine curiosity in the tom’s mind. “It hit me in the face. When it did, I just… grabbed it. Simple as that.”</p><p>“Huh. I didn’t even notice that I hit you with it! That was really cool, Jaykit. Fast reflexes.” Finchkit’s mind revealed that he was impressed, and even if Jaykit couldn’t see that through his mind, his brother’s tone was enough to tell him so.</p><p>Jaykit smiled a bit. “Yeah? Well, thanks. I think I’ll be a pretty great warrior. Did you hear? Bramblestar officially agreed to make me one!”</p><p>“I’m so happy for you!” Ravenkit mewed. “We’ll all be warriors together, hunting and fighting by each other’s side.”</p><p>“I’ll be the fighter, Ravenkit will be the hunter, and little ol’ Jaykit will be the jack of all trades!” Finchkit meowed with a chuckle.</p><p>Their conversation was interrupted by two cats coming through the entrance. “Go do your duties, Berrypaw,” Bramblestar ordered, his voice low and shaky.</p><p>Berrypaw, walking beside his mentor, had fear scent surrounding him. “Yes, Bramblestar.” He ran off towards the elders’ den.</p><p>“What happened?” Daisy, nearby, asked Bramblestar.</p><p>“Oh, nothing!” Bramblestar replied, and by his tone Jaykit could tell he was smiling, but for once, something was different.</p><p>His mind was finally open.</p><p>Jaykit delved in eagerly, and he was met with a barrier blocking memories, but the emotions were free game. Fear, confusion, and worry were swarming around in thick, heavy clouds. It was so unbearably toxic, filling his nose and mouth with a bitter taste and choking him. When he returned, virtually no time had passed in reality, as usual. </p><p>He tried again, this time bracing himself for the negative feelings. However, the thistles and thorns had reformed. Bramblestar’s mind had only been open for a brief moment, and Jaykit had let that chance slip by him. He glared at nothing in frustration. <i>Dear StarClan, why can’t this cat just lower his guard?</i> he thought.</p><p>“Well, if something happened that scared Berrypaw, it <i>must</i> be bad,” Daisy commented. “That kit isn’t afraid of anything.”</p><p>“Ah, he just got scared by a story I told him on the way back,” Bramblestar meowed. “It was about the battle with BloodClan back in the forest territories.”</p><p>“What a fierce name!” the queen mewed, almost sounding scared herself. “No wonder that frightened him.”</p><p>Least to say, from what had happened that morning, Jaykit just couldn’t believe Bramblestar’s words.</p><p>“Can you tell us, Bramblestar?!” Finchkit asked excitedly.</p><p>“Sorry, no can do. Ask Mousefur, alright? She was there. I gotta talk to Leafpool.” Bramblestar talked quickly and walked by in a hurry.</p><p>As he went off towards the medicine den, Jaykit mewed, “I just remembered, I went in there earlier to get a feather from Leafpool’s morning meal. Can I go get it real quick? I left it there by accident.”</p><p>“Go ahead, hon,” Daisy told him. “Tell Leafpool I said hello, will you?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>Jaykit ran with his tiny legs into the entrance of the medicine den. He scented Molekit and Longtail nearby, presumably curled up in a nest together, both in a troubled sleep. He tried searching their minds, to see how their conditions were, but Molekit’s mind was faded and distant: he could tell the half-grown tom would soon head to StarClan. Longtail’s mind had a much stronger presence, since he’d only caught greencough the night before, and he could see that the elder was dreaming of a black-and-white cat named Swiftpaw.</p><p>Jaykit crept up beside their nest near the front of the den, and he stayed crouched there, hidden from sight. He perked his ears up as far as they could go, eavesdropping on the conversation going on a bit further back into the cave.</p><p>“Leafpool, you’re trained to help mental health, right?” Bramblestar asked, not bothering to hide the worry in his tone like he’d done earlier.</p><p>“Sure am,” Leafpool replied. “What do you need?” She paused. “Oh, I see. I’m actually quite glad you came here.”</p><p>“You are?” the leader mewed. “Why?”</p><p>“Goldenflower’s loss is one that I’m especially sorry for,” Leafpool meowed gently. “I did my best to save her, but oftentimes StarClan doesn’t care who passes away; they rarely influence that. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better, Bramblestar?”</p><p>Bramblestar struggled with his words for a moment. “No, that’s not why…” He stopped. “...I guess it <i>has</i> been hard with her gone. She was my only kin. Mothwing I hardly know, and Hawkfrost and Tawnypelt are in other Clans.”</p><p>“Yes, I understand completely. She was the oldest cat in ThunderClan, and yet also the kindest and gentlest. Besides, she was the cat who raised you. It’s only reasonable that you’re hurt by her death. And yet this too shall pass. This pain will have its place.”</p><p>“How do you know that for sure?” Bramblestar asked, his voice so quiet that it was near a whisper.</p><p>“Because I have also lost a parent, and a mentor, and a friend,” Leafpool responded. “I have known much loss, Bramblestar. Of course I miss all that have left us, but I busy myself with my work and decide I’ll do my best not to fail others. As our leader, we can’t afford for you to fall into a deep depression.”</p><p>“But then, what do I do? How do I move on?”</p><p>“The truth is, Bramblestar, you probably never will,” Leafpool replied. “Recently you have lost both your father figure <i>and</i> your mother. Those two roles will never be filled again, and yet life goes on. The pain will not go away, but it will find its place. You must allow yourself to grieve healthily and slowly adapt to a new normal.”</p><p>Bramblestar was quiet for a very long time. “Thank you. There’s also something else I need help with.”</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“After I left camp with Berrypaw to train, I became confused. I couldn’t recognize my surroundings or even Berrypaw. It felt as if… as if I were in a dream, one where I was severely out of place. I was aware that this wasn’t right, but I couldn’t do anything to fix it. Eventually things went back to normal, but it was too late to train further.”</p><p>“Did this just happen?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Leafpool paused. “Did anything happen beforehand?”</p><p>“I… well… yes. I fell asleep for a short time and had a… nightmare. About Tigerstar.”</p><p>“Then what happened to you isn’t too surprising,” Leafpool meowed. “Bramblestar, what happened isn’t normal, but it’s also expected in certain cases. Don’t worry, no permanent damage has been left behind. It’s called derealization. Shortly after I returned to ThunderClan and found Cinderpelt dead, I experienced it for a brief period of time. Your nightmare triggered this due to your trauma with Tigerstar.”</p><p>“What trauma?”</p><p>“Believe me, Bramblestar, both you and I know that your ‘nightmare’ wasn’t a nightmare at all,” Leafpool told him. “Your trauma from these recurring ‘nightmares,’ of course. You may not hate them, but they do leave terrible wounds on your mental health. And I expect this may not be the only time you experience derealization if you don’t stop.”</p><p>Her words left an eerie silence in the den. Jaykit decided he’d heard enough, and he crept back out. “I couldn’t find the feather, and Leafpool was too busy with Bramblestar for me to tell her hello for you. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Oh, honey, that’s fine,” Daisy mewed. “It’s quite alright. I can always greet her later.”</p><p>Jaykit sat on the sidelines with his mother now, allowing Ravenkit to take his place in the play fight. His mind was too busy with confusion at what he’d heard to fight, anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. V - Ill Dreams</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bramblestar has a strange dream.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bramblestar didn’t mind when it became hard to breathe sometimes, and his throat was blocked up. He had a nose, didn’t he? More troubles arose when he started experiencing chills, aches, and dehydration. A fever was definitely trouble. Yet he still didn’t go see Leafpool.</p><p>He wasn’t surprised when he collapsed while trying to leave camp with Berrypaw to train, but it was embarrassing to see his Clanmates stare at him, wide-eyed. Leafpool had brought him into her den, and one touch to his paw pad and a listen to his lungs confirmed it all.</p><p>“I can’t believe you have greencough and you’ve just been going around as usual,” Leafpool muttered to herself as she went through her store. “You told me you’d let me know if you started feeling symptoms.”</p><p>Bramblestar didn’t reply, burrowing deeper into his temporary nest in the medicine den. She’d insisted that instead of staying in his down den, it would be best for him to move in until he’d recovered and let the illness “air out” of his own.</p><p>“Here, eat this,” Leafpool ordered, setting a bit of catmint by his nest. “I don’t have much to spare between you and Longtail, so this is all I can give you for now.”</p><p>Molekit had already passed away a half moon ago. His sisters and father were still grieving heavily, but Brackenfur seemed to pretend as if it had never happened. Bramblestar often scoffed when he saw him speak about Molekit as if he were still alive.</p><p>Yet how could he judge now? He might lose a life to this disease. Bramblestar raised his muzzle weakly and lapped up the herb. He parted his jaws slightly, trying to get more air in. His breathing issues had only worsened over the moon that he’d been dealing with these symptoms.</p><p>He didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he realized Firestar was dead, and there was no way he’d be hunting alongside him in the old forest. Bramblestar -- no, that’s not right. Bramble<em> paw </em> watched as Firestar leaped and cleanly killed a thrush.</p><p>“Nice!” he meowed, the word spilling out of his mouth automatically.</p><p>“And now it’s sunset,” Firestar mewed, looking up at the sky, “which makes <em> me </em> the winner. My four pieces to your three.”</p><p>Bramblepaw felt a twinge of pride. “No way! It’s not sunset yet -- it’s just <em> almost </em> sunset. I still have time.”</p><p>“At best, we’d split even,” Firestar meowed teasingly. “Just accept it: <em> I </em> win this time.”</p><p>Bramblepaw huffed. “I can still win. Just watch me!”</p><p>Bramblepaw opened his mouth slightly, tasting the air. He quickly caught the scent of a mouse, and he followed it in a hunter’s crouch. Soon enough, he had it dangling from his jaws. He dropped it and immediately searched for another scent.</p><p>“It’s too late,” Firestar repeated with the same playful tone. “We tied. Congrats. It’s the best you’ve done so far!”</p><p>Bramblepaw frowned. “I could’ve made it. I could’ve.”</p><p>“We’ll see next time,” Firestar meowed. “You’re getting better, though. Remember when you tripped over yourself chasing after that rabbit?” He chuckled.</p><p>Bramblepaw wanted to laugh too, but he refused to after his loss at the competition. “Yeah. It made me so mad that I yelled at it.”</p><p>“Scared off all the prey in the area with that yowl,” Firestar mewed. “Sandstorm was with us. She couldn’t stop laughing at you.”</p><p>“It made me feel so embarrassed,” Bramblepaw meowed. “I guess looking back, it <em> is </em> pretty funny, though.” He let himself smile a little.</p><p>Firestar’s own dropped. “I miss times like that,” he murmured. “What happened?”</p><p>Bramblepaw didn’t answer -- <em> couldn’t </em> answer. He only stared at his paws.</p><p>“Why did you do that to me, Brambleclaw?” Firestar asked quietly. “You were my son. I loved you so much, as much as I loved Leafpool and Squirrelflight, as much as I still love them right now.”</p><p>Brambleclaw shook his head. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I don’t. I wish every single day that I hadn’t.”</p><p>“Then why do you keep meeting Tigerstar?” Firestar meowed. “Why do you have a plan with Hawkfrost to kill Mistyfoot?”</p><p>“I can’t get out of it,” Brambleclaw replied. “I wish I could, but I can’t. I’d give everything up just to get away from them.”</p><p>“Is that the truth? Or are you just saying what’ll make you feel better? What justifies it all in your mind.”</p><p>“I’m being honest,” Brambleclaw meowed. “I am. I promise you, Firestar.”</p><p>“There are things you do outside of that,” Firestar mewed. “You’ve hurt Jaykit. You’ve threatened and verbally abused Berrypaw. Your father and brother didn’t make you do those.”</p><p>“Yes, they did. They made me do every bad thing I’ve ever done."</p><p>“What about with my daughter?” Firestar asked. “I was alive then. She showed interest in Ashfur while she was angry with you, and you punished her for it. I saw how you treated her.”</p><p>“Why did you never say anything about it then?” Brambleclaw asked.</p><p>“I didn’t know how to. I couldn’t find the words. I tried to so many times, and I regret never going through with it, but I never did. Maybe then she would’ve stayed away from you.”</p><p>“Do you… regret making me your deputy?”</p><p>“Yes, especially since it was the Dark Forest who told me to, not even StarClan,” Firestar replied. “But more so since you murdered me. I could’ve forgiven the false sign, since it wasn’t your fault.”</p><p>Brambleclaw had never seen Firestar like this. He was angry, and sad, and disappointed, and regretful all at once. His fur didn’t bristle, but his tone had a foreign coldness to it. </p><p>All of it made Brambleclaw uncomfortable.</p><p>“I really do regret what I did,” Brambleclaw meowed, and then added foolishly, “Is there nothing I can do to reverse it? Is there any way for me to go back?”</p><p>“Just those questions are insulting,” Firestar mewed. “Treating my intentional murder like a piece of prey you didn’t like. You could’ve differed from your father. I thought you would.”</p><p>Firestar’s disappointment cut deeper than any claw or tooth could, but Brambleclaw knew he wasn’t wrong: he should’ve been different, should’ve been <em> better </em>. Why hadn’t he been better?</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” he repeated, more truthfully this time. Sorrow weighed down his soul. “I’m sorry. I would do anything to take it back. Please believe me.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter whether I believe you or not, Brambleclaw,” Firestar meowed. “Truthfully, it doesn’t change the outcome. I’m dead, murdered by my own deputy. My opinion won’t rewind time.”</p><p>Brambleclaw felt tears tug at his sockets, but he forced them away. He couldn’t cry, <em> wouldn’t </em> cry. He wouldn’t make Firestar feel guilty for his rightful feelings.</p><p>“Okay,” Brambleclaw murmured. “I… should get going now. Thank you for the talk. And the prey.” He looked down to pick up his last catch, but it was gone.</p><p>“Going where?” Firestar asked. “No place better to be while you’re sick. Why not face what you’ve done?”</p><p>“Going anywhere but here,” Brambleclaw replied. “I can’t <em> be </em> here, not with <em> you </em>.”</p><p>“I see.” Firestar nodded. “You can’t face bad feelings, so you shove them away. That doesn’t mean they don’t still exist, Brambleclaw. Do you bury it <em> all </em> deep down, or just the negative things?”</p><p>“Leave me alone. I have to go. I need to lead my Clan.”</p><p>Brambleclaw tried to walk away, but Firestar followed right at his tail. “I’m sure Sandstorm is doing just fine in your place, you know. Why not stay here with me?”</p><p>“I can’t. A good leader helps their Clan best they can.”</p><p>“Ironic.” Firestar continued following him stubbornly. “You know, just… stay here with me. Your body needs to focus on recovery, and sleep is a good way of doing so.”</p><p>“If you want me to sleep, you can leave me alone,” Brambleclaw retorted. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t mind forcing myself awake.”</p><p>Firestar darted in front of Brambleclaw and planted his ginger-striped paws down into the grass, making the other stop with an annoyed huff.</p><p>“Seriously, talk to me,” Firestar meowed. “I <em> want </em> to talk. I want to hear everything.”</p><p>“What is there to say, Firestar?!” Brambleclaw growled. “You <em> know </em> everything! I murdered you and took your place as leader. What else?”</p><p>“Why did you do it?”</p><p>“I--” Brambleclaw fell silent.</p><p>Firestar waited several moments, waiting for him to talk, before deciding to speak again. “I see. You killed me just because you felt like it. Because the opportunity was right before your paws.”</p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“Then speak up! What’s the reason?”</p><p>Brambleclaw bared his teeth. “I had to! If I would’ve said no, Hawkfrost would’ve attacked me, and I would’ve died.”</p><p>“So the reason you killed me is selfishness,” Firestar mewed. “That’s a <em> lot </em> better than ambition.”</p><p>“I wasn’t thinking! Actually, you know what? Forget it.” Brambleclaw turned to face the other direction and began walking in it. “I’m not going to defend myself to a spirit.”</p><p>“And why not?” Firestar kept following him, despite the other’s harsh words.</p><p>“I already have to do that pretty much every night. With Tigerstar.”</p><p>“Do you feel any love for him? Do you consider him a father?”</p><p>“Sometimes,” Brambleclaw admitted, stopping. “Sometimes I wish he’d never died. Sometimes I get this mouse-brained thought that maybe he could’ve redeemed himself.”</p><p>“And you don’t believe you’re projecting at all?” Firestar asked, coming up to stand at his side. “Do <em> you </em> want to be redeemed, Brambleclaw?”</p><p>Brambleclaw nodded, his face contorted into a frown. “I just don’t know where to start.”</p><p>“I do,” Firestar meowed. “Stop meeting your father and brother.”</p><p>“It’s not that simple. He forces me to be there.” It was obvious which cat he was referring to.</p><p>“You have great battle prowess. Why not defend yourself with it, like I’d mentored you to do?”</p><p>“Tigerstar and Hawkfrost together would be too much,” Brambleclaw meowed. “I might be able to take Hawkfrost by himself, but even Tigerstar alone would overpower me.”</p><p>“Well, regardless of how hard your path is from here,” Firestar mewed gravely, “I trust you to do the right thing. My kits know right from wrong. They may make mistakes, but they right them best they can.”</p><p>Firestar rested his head on Brambleclaw’s lowered one, in a sort of affectionate move.</p><p>“I know,” Brambleclaw whispered. He felt himself shrink, both mentally and physically, at this touch. Before he knew it, he was a tiny kit, gazing up at Firestar.</p><p>“Oh, Bramblekit, tell me you’ll be something great,” Firestar murmured. “Tell me you’ll be a wonderful leader, that you’ll use each one of your nine lives to do good for ThunderClan.”</p><p>“I’m going to be a great leader,” Bramblekit mewled. “I’ll make this up to you.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have to make it up to me. It shouldn’t have been done. I’m only allowing you this second chance because I would hate to see you murdered nine times over and thrown into the Dark Forest, even after what you did.”</p><p>Bramblekit nodded sadly. “I know. I won’t disappoint you again.”</p><p>“Good. Sleep well.”</p><p>And he was left in darkness.</p><p>*•*•*</p><p>Bramblestar awoke some time later, when darkness shadowed the den entrance, to a scrawny mouse by his muzzle. He weakly grabbed it with his teeth and dragged it by his paws in his nest. He ate slowly, savouring what little meat there was.</p><p>As he finished his meal, he noticed that Longtail’s blind, glassy blue eyes were wide open and gazing across at him. </p><p>“You awake?” Bramblestar whispered.</p><p>Longtail nodded. “I thought my eyes being open would tell you. I typically don’t open them until I get out of my nest, and my being in here hasn’t made me want to open them very often.”</p><p>“Well, alright,” Bramblestar mewed. “Do you want to say something then?”</p><p>“I can feel myself getting better,” Longtail meowed. “I thought that might give you some hope. I doubt you’ll lose a life, even if you waited a while before getting help.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t be too sure. StarClan has a way of delivering karma.”</p><p>“What have you done to warrant this then?”</p><p>Bramblestar didn’t want to answer truthfully, so he decided to tell a half-truth instead. “I’ve hurt those close to me. Emotionally, I mean.”</p><p>“Did you mean to?”</p><p>“I didn’t really think about it.” He broke off into a dry cough that bit his throat and left an ache behind. He continued, “I just... acted.”</p><p>Longtail tilted his head. “Well, Bramblestar, you have to remember <em> I’ve </em> done terrible things as well. I served Tigerstar loyally for a long time. I attacked Firestar when he was a defenseless kit.”</p><p>“But you’re blind now. Surely that’s <em> your </em> karma?”</p><p>“Probably. That’s why I say not to worry. I’m sure you’ve already gotten your due karma. This is just an act to strengthen you. You’ll come out of this illness ever stronger.”</p><p>“Have you <em> always </em> been so faithful?”</p><p>“Once, I was <em> too </em> faithful. I believe my level of faith now is <em> much </em> more moderate.”</p><p>Bramblestar didn’t know what to say to that, so he moved on. “How did you right things? After you realized the truth about Tigerstar.”</p><p>“Well, for a short period, I was in denial,” Longtail meowed. “I couldn’t believe the tom I’d admired so was evil, was so ambitious to the point of murder and betrayal. But after a while, it sunk in, and I hated myself for ever following him.</p><p>“I hated hearing about him, thinking about him, even seeing Darkstripe walk around. You remember him, don’t you? I hated him too. He was my mentor, my best friend. He betrayed me and continued to follow Tigerstar.</p><p>“For a while, after Swiftpaw’s accident, I was depressed. Everything combined into one, and I blamed myself for not being a better mentor because I was preoccupied with my loyalty towards Tigerstar. If only I hadn’t followed him, I thought, Bluestar would’ve made Swiftpaw a warrior, and he never would’ve done something foolish to be one.</p><p>“I strived to be better than I used to be. I followed Firestar with everything I had. The pain and regret slowly began to fade away, but it never did. It just formed to fit into my life. Now it remains in the background, and sometimes it’ll consume me, but I’ve always used it to motivate me to not repeat my mistakes.”</p><p>“Was there… anyone to help you?” Bramblestar asked.</p><p>“Dustpelt has always been a decent tom to vent to,” Longtail meowed. “Never good for making me feel better, though. Sootfur was a comfort before he died, of course -- may his spirit rest in StarClan. </p><p>“Mousefur, now, is the one who helps me whenever I sink down low. It’s good to have support sometimes, but you still mostly have to stand on your own. You can’t grow too dependent on those who help you.</p><p>Longtail broke off into a yawn, “Well, I’ll get going back to sleep. If you’re feeling alright tomorrow, I’d like to talk more. Molekit was nice company, but he never spoke and rarely stayed awake for long.”</p><p>Longtail curled up in his nest, his back to Bramblestar.</p><p>Bramblestar lay his head down, coughing. He supposed he should sleep too, but he couldn’t bring himself to. The ache of Firestar’s visit still remained.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. VI - Meeting With Shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bramblestar recovers from greencough.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i thoroughly apologise for the delay. thank you all for your patience.</p><p>trigger warning: slow and discreet suicide.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bramblestar ate part of his catmint serving, and discreetly passed the rest over to Longtail so that it merged with his. He didn’t seem to notice, lapping it all up without comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar had been doing this for a few days now, with every time they were given catmint. He was determined to only eat a small portion of his so that he could get hit with this life loss now and StarClan wouldn’t hurt him with negative karma later on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was foolish thinking, but Bramblestar seemed to believe thoroughly in it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Bramblestar was only getting worse and worse with each passing day, sometimes even within a few hours. He began sleeping more and more, too rid of energy to do much else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His appetite severely decreased, and he left each piece of fresh-kill less than half-eaten. Longtail would usually finish his prey, but only after being encouraged to. Bramblestar desperately didn’t want Leafpool to know he was getting worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which brings us to sunhigh on a typical day in ThunderClan. That was the same day that Bramblestar had another strange dream during a heavy nap. He was simply in the middle of a battle with WindClan when every cat around him vanished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar looked around, his ears perked with confusion. “Where did you all go?” he cried, still unaware of his dream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bramblestar, it’s good to see you again,” a deep voice mewed, and Bramblestar whipped around to see Lionheart, his long fur elegantly groomed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’re you doing here?” Bramblestar asked. “...Am I dreaming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lionheart nodded. “I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve lost your first life. Yet I’m sure you saw this coming, right? After all, you’ve been pawing off your catmint to Longtail.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I deserved to lose one,” Bramblestar meowed. “Now I’ve paid the price for what I did, and I can’t be hurt for it. After all, it took less time than recovery would’ve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not necessarily true, though I’ll let you believe it since I suspect it’d be a challenge to change your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When do I get to go back to ThunderClan?” Bramblestar asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When your body recovers from this death,” Lionheart meowed. “Be more careful in the future. Your nine lives aren’t something to waste.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t put this one to waste. It healed me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lionheart didn’t reply. Both cats stood in silence for several long moments before he bowed his head. “It’s time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye then,” Bramblestar meowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar opened his eyes to see the medicine den, and Longtail sitting up in his nest talking to a nearby Leafpool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just lost a life,” Bramblestar mewed, interrupting their conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leafpool rushed over. “Are you sure?” she asked worriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar nodded. “Can I go now then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just because you lost a life, it doesn’t mean you’re healthy again,” Leafpool meowed. “I’ll have to examine you first, and even then you could still be contagious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, alright,” Bramblestar murmured, heaving himself up into a sitting position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Leafpool checked his pad for a fever and his lungs for fluid. “Well, you’re fine,” she meowed, “but I’d still recommend isolating in your den for a couple days. You could still spread it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about fresh-kill?” Bramblestar asked grumpily. “Different bedding? Socialization?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be in to bring you prey and change your bedding daily,” Leafpool mewed. “You can talk to me then. It won’t be for long, so you shouldn’t worry. After I give you permission, you can leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar grunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s too bad, Bramblestar,” Longtail spoke up. “I really would’ve thought you would’ve gotten better instead of losing a life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s just how it goes, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar got to his paws and left without another word. Several cats mewed surprisingly at the sight of him, but he ignored them all, heading straight to his den. He curled up in his nest, breathing a sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bramblestar!” Berrypaw mewed, poking his head inside. “So glad you’re okay now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you can’t be around me for a couple days,” Bramblestar meowed. “Medicine cat’s orders. But, uh, who’s been mentoring you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sandstorm has,” Berrypaw replied. “Don’t worry, she’s not as good as you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar chuckled at that. “Have you met with Brokenstar since the first time?” he asked in a lower voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw shuffled his paws, averting his gaze downwards guiltily. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I’m fine with it. Just be careful, and don’t tell anyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Berrypaw’s blue eyes were wide. “You’re not tricking me or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you can meet him. It’s good to have that extra training. It’ll make you a more skilled fighter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> meet anybody from there?” Berrypaw asked tentatively. “The Dark Forest, I mean. I know there are others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meet Tigerstar, my father,” Bramblestar meowed. “Me and my half-brother, Hawkfrost, do. Keep that a secret, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw nodded. “It’s kinda surprising that you do. I figured since you were leader and all, you didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> training.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s less training these days, and more… talking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talking about what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a secret,” Bramblestar mewed. “Prove I can trust you, and someday you might learn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, nothing came close to intrigue when you had to appeal to an apprentice’s loyalty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay! I’ll prove it then.” Berrypaw grinned widely. “When can you get back to training?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In a few days. Whenever Leafpool says I can be around others. Speaking of which, </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> has to go now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, okay. See you later!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Berrypaw ducked out of the den.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so those few days passed --  three, to be exact. Bramblestar began meeting with Tigerstar and Hawkfrost again that first night he was released.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to have you back, Bramblestar,” Hawkfrost meowed as soon as Bramblestar awoke to the forest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How foolish of you to neglect your health </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> waste a life,” Tigerstar growled, a complete opposite response. “That isn’t how a proper leader ought to behave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar nodded. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry, Tigerstar. I’ll be better from now on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, what was I thinking, giving you such an opportunity?” Tigerstar shook his head fiercely. “You’re too young, too foolish! Perhaps I should’ve given you both more time to mature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar frowned. “No, Tigerstar! I won’t make another mistake again. I’ll be perfect. Please, don’t take this from me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tigerstar turned to look at him, mewing, “You’re lucky I’m allowing you these </span>
  <em>
    <span>chances</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh, if you weren’t my son, I wouldn’t be nearly as soft with you. But this is all besides the point! We’re visiting the rest of them tonight. We have planning to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar couldn’t hold back the wince that took hold of his features. “Yes, Tigerstar. What does this planning involve specifically?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to take more apprentices among the living,” Hawkfrost meowed, his pitch higher than usual. “How exciting, isn’t it, Bramblestar? Soon it won’t be just you, I, and that outsider-born apprentice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truthfully, there have always been Dark Forest trainees in the Clans,” Tigerstar explained. “I and my former mentor, Thistleclaw -- you’ve both met him -- were ones. There are some strong, wise cats among the dead here. You’ve only met the youngest souls.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does this have to do with training the living?” Bramblestar asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was getting to that!” Tigerstar meowed sharply. “As I was about to say, the Dark Forest hasn’t trained for a long time -- with the exception of you three, of course. We’ve been planning to change that for a long time now. We and your brother have been observing many potential candidates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’re going to discuss this at the meeting?” Bramblestar mewed. “Makes sense. What will </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> contribute?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you can somehow come up with some cats in that empty head of yours, by all means, share,” Tigerstar replied. “But you’ve been sick for some time now, so we’ve had to leave you out of the planning. If you have nothing useful to say, be silent. Don’t humiliate me in front of everyone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You underestimate Bramblestar,” Hawkfrost meowed. “I’m sure he’s got </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span> in mind. At least </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span>, right?” He turned his head, staring hopefully at Bramblestar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar frowned again. “I-I’m not sure. I don’t think I do. I’m sorry, Tigerstar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then, as I said, be quiet!” Tigerstar repeated. “Let Hawkfrost and I do the talking. Come along!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar followed at his father’s and brother’s tails as they made their way through the dark, murky wood. Soon, they came to an area with a single, large stump. Several cats were gathered around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you are,” a dappled she-cat, who was nearly fully see-through, spoke up. “We’ve been waiting for you, Tigerstar!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was sitting on the stump behind Brokenstar. Tigerstar gritted his teeth and ran up to take his place beside her. Bramblestar felt a wave of secondhand embarrassment as he realized his father wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>nearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> as much of a leader compared to Brokenstar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar and Hawkfrost sat there together, at the edge of a very large crowd of invisible cats underneath the thick blanket of shadow. The only parts visible of those dead cats were their gleaming eyes, pointed directly at the three cats on the stump.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, everyone,” Brokenstar began, “I, as one of our powerful leaders, have taken the liberty of beginning to train our first apprentice in a very long time. Well, of course there were Tigerstar’s sons, but that was a one-time occurrence. This, instead, is the beginning of the end for the Clans!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have all been watching, listening, waiting. There are many unhappy, vengeful cats in the Clans, and all we must do is lure them to us. Does anyone have any names to start us out with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a WindClan kit named Breezekit,” a gray-and-white tabby tom meowed, his green eyes gleaming eagerly. “He is oh-so-very unhappy with his life and his parents. He is clearly an unwanted son. We can use that to our advantage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure Brokenstar and Tigerstar wouldn’t mind if I took that one for myself,” the dappled she-cat murmured.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way, Mapleshade!” the tom hissed. “That one’s mine!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough!” Tigerstar growled, interrupting them. “Thistleclaw, learn your place. A leader like Mapleshade has first access to apprentices. If you want such a privilege, prove yourself more than a feeble, whining kit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thistleclaw bared his teeth, fury practically coming off of him in heavy fumes. “Oh, Tigerstar, you’re lucky I don’t--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any other cats?” Brokenstar asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thornclaw! Of ThunderClan!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar’s eyes widened at the unknown she-cat’s voice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thornclaw</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> join the Dark Forest, would never even </span>
  <em>
    <span>consider</span>
  </em>
  <span> it! He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> uptight about Clan loyalty and such.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Tigerstar asked, eyes narrowed. His head whipped around, looking across the crowd. “Which of you suggested him? Which of you is so foolish as to not give reasoning?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was I,” the same she-cat spoke, pushing her head up above the identityless crowd. “Forgive me. I wasn’t thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Clearly,” Mapleshade muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been watching my old Clan specifically, and I noticed that Thornclaw is very unhappy behind his mask. He sees his brother and sister, tending to their families and mates, living very fulfilled lives. He envies them and feels that he hasn’t accomplished nearly as much, and that his life thus far is aimless.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brokenstar nodded thoughtfully. “A good proposal. Are you offering to take him as your apprentice then? Because certainly a nameless no-one like you knows better than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Certainly,” the she-cat agreed submissively. “Not me.” She ducked her head down once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>one can be Thistleclaw’s apprentice,” Tigerstar offered. “Would you like that, Thistleclaw? Stop complaining, perhaps?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thistleclaw, still at the front of the crowd, frowned. “Fine. It’s been long enough since I’ve had one, so give me whichever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar couldn’t hold it in anymore. He raised his head and yowled, “Thornclaw would never come here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The interruption summoned a wave of mumbling amongst everyone, and the three cats on the stump turned to glare at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you just say?” Tigerstar growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I mean, he’s so loyal and so dedicated to his Clan!” Bramblestar meowed. “I don’t think he’d go against it, like we want him to. I truly didn’t mean any offense, Tiger--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He can be tricked into going against it, like some of the others will be,” Mapleshade interrupted. “Tigerstar, deal with him! We cannot have future interruptions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar opened his jaws to protest again, but before he knew it, he was opening his eyes to see his empty den. Pale light streamed in through the entrance, indiciating sunrise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next night’s meeting was just he, Tigerstar, and Hawkfrost -- exactly how he liked it. It was purely discussion and recap for what had happened, since Bramblestar had to be kicked out. He learned that another two cats from ThunderClan had been chosen for training, but they refused to tell him which.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid this will probably be one of the last solitary meetings we have,” Tigerstar meowed as they were about to leave. “Mostly, things will be with the rest of the Dark Forest now. This also means we can get back to battle training.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, the next night, Bramblestar found himself in that same clearing with the large stump, alongside several other cats -- all dead, of course. Brokenstar, this time, led him and Hawkfrost through several fake battles with them. Several times did Bramblestar search around for Tigerstar, but he couldn’t be found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar, just as he was about to wake himself up for the day, was stopped by Hawkfrost. Everything about him reeked of excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tigerstar gave me some wonderful news earlier!” Hawkfrost meowed. “It’s been </span>
  <em>
    <span>killing</span>
  </em>
  <span> me just to keep it in this long. Willowpaw has finally correctly interpreted the message from him! We can kill Mistyfoot now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does anyone else know about it?” Bramblestar asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawkfrost shook his head. “Surprisingly, she’s done a good job of keeping it to herself. She didn’t even reach out to anyone else for help with interpretation! And now, when Mistyfoot dies, surely she’ll tell Leopardstar.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who will you have plant the evidence?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking Blackclaw. Morbid it being Mistyfoot’s old mate, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar simply shrugged. “So when can I expect my warriors to find it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About sunhigh-ish,” Hawkfrost replied. “As soon as I wake up, I’ll send him to do it. For being a senior warrior, he’s sure eager to listen to me.” He grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’ll bring my warriors at moonhigh. Sound alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hawkfrost nodded. “Finally, I’ll get what I deserve. And you, Bramblestar, will be the one to help me achieve it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar couldn’t help but smile at that. “Finally,” he agreed. “See you soon, Hawkfrost.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when Bramblestar woke up. He expected this to be the day he finally got to leave his den, but Leafpool coming in to tell him so that morning still seemed to surprise him somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps he thought that StarClan would’ve done something to stop the plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That first step outside in the numbing snow felt as if it brought him back to life. Bramblestar looked around, seeing the morning patrols go out, the kits playing with one another… life going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he collected Berrypaw and went to train him for the first time in a while. As he reviewed with him what Sandstorm had taught him, Bramblestar gritted his teeth and realized that she was a much better mentor than he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget it,” Bramblestar interrupted him. “I don’t need to know any more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Berrypaw frowned. “I thought you’d be proud that I learned so much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am, but…” He shook his head. “No, I am. I’m very proud. Couldn’t have asked for a better apprentice. Let’s get training. Today, I’ll branch off of her hunting sessions with you and see how you do with </span>
  <em>
    <span>team</span>
  </em>
  <span> hunting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar could hardly even focus on the session. All his eyes wanted to do, instead of search for prey, were stick to the sun’s position in the sky. He found himself lucky that he was even able to hunt with Berrypaw in the midst of his distraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d caught two mice when sunhigh arrived. Bramblestar quickly took them both in his teeth by their tails, and he rushed Berrypaw back to camp. Part of him didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to disguise the plan. Strangely, a foreign excitement brewed in him and anticipated the battle that would soon fall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar tossed them both onto the fresh-kill pile just as the hunting patrol followed suit. However, all four of them appeared to be agitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Bramblestar asked innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spiderleg, the leader of the patrol, shook his head with irritation. “Those RiverClan mangepelts! They stole prey from us, and had the gall to leave the remains on our territory!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar narrowed his eyes. “Did they? Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Positive, Bramblestar,” Ashfur spoke up. “All four of us could smell fish-breath on that squirrel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright. I’m not going to give them another chance to take advantage of us. ThunderClan has always been called too soft in the past, but I’m going to change that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar climbed onto Highledge and yowled out the summons for a Clan meeting. He watched as the majority of his Clanmates, the rest out of camp, arrived to form a crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The hunting patrol has just reported to me that they found squirrel remains covered with RiverClan scent,” Bramblestar announced once everyone had arrived. “I’m not going to let them do this again. It’s leaf-bare, so even that lone squirrel would’ve meant a lot to us if we’d been able to catch it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to take most of you to RiverClan’s camp tonight -- let’s say moonhigh? -- and teach their cats a lesson: you don’t steal from ThunderClan. No longer will they see us as too soft-hearted to defend ourselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bramblestar, battles during leaf-bare can be devastating,” Leafpool meowed from her place. “I ask you to reconsider. If there are severe wounds, we can count on deaths in our numbers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Request denied. Everyone except for you, the queens, kits, and elders shall go. All of you, prepare!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bramblestar hopped down, and he noticed many cats look at each other anxiously. He couldn’t find it in himself to put the blame on them, but he knew -- a part of him internally squirmed at the reminder -- that it had to be done, and they’d just have to deal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He clenched his jaw. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Let’s just get this over with.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. VII - Sprig of Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Brambleclaw is back in the old forest camp, with his old friends.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is mostly filler, and i apologise for that, but i still think it's worth reading.</p>
<p>trigger warning: anxiety, panic attacks.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Maggots squirmed around in Brambleclaw’s mouse. He frowned. “Are you sure you didn’t accidentally bring back crowfood?” he bluntly asked his companion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sorrelpaw let out a groan, not bothering to look up from her own meal. “You’re such a meanie, Brambleclaw! I hunted that mouse myself!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you’re eating your </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> mouse, right?” he mewed. “Is </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> gross at all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked over at her, only to see her amber eyes narrowed into a glare. “That’s not very nice, Brambleclaw,” she murmured.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you bullying my sister, Brambleclaw?” Sootfur asked as he padded over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, sorry!” he muttered. “Not </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> fault she dragged back crowfood.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sootfur raised a brow, doubtful. “Crowfood?” he echoed. “Where?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw nearly showed his fangs in a growl, but he held it back as he angrily motioned downwards with his muzzle. “Here! She gave it to me to eat! I think she’s just pulling a prank.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sootfur looked down at his fresh-kill. “Brambleclaw, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> are you talking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw opened his jaws to snap back at him with a retort, but he glanced down and noticed that the maggots were gone, and the meat looked fine. “...Oh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you should see Cinderpelt,” Sorrelpaw meowed, taking a bite out of her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sootfur nodded seriously. “If your eyesight is messing up, it’s best to see her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw sighed, “Alright, sure. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’ll go bother our medicine cat for absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood and began stalking away, and he heard Sootfur murmur, “Guess he woke up on the wrong side of the nest this morning,” which only made him growl softly to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He noticed Hollykit and Larchkit play-fighting together, their healthy kit-fluff neatly groomed. He stopped and admired the scene, smiling slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So adorable, aren’t they?” a voice asked, and he flinched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Goldenflower brushed her cheek against his. He felt, somehow, that he hadn’t done this for a very long time, despite speaking with her daily. He relished in the warm, fuzzy feeling this touch gave his otherwise-stoney heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where’s Ferncloud?” he asked. “And Birchkit?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Goldenflower frowned. “Oh, Brambleclaw, you have such a habit of bringing up bad memories.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean?” Brambleclaw meowed, his concern spiking. “Where are they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, poor boy…” Goldenflower murmured, reaching up slightly to lap at his ear. “You really </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> remember, do you? Oh, Brambleclaw, they died during her second kitting. We had to get a RiverClan queen to nurse Hollykit and Larchkit until I could produce milk. Maybe your brain just blocked it out. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw shook his head. “That can’t be right. I can remember them being here, in this very camp, only yesterday!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you should speak with Cinderpelt,” she urged him gently. “She’ll be able to help you with your grief.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not grieving!” he snapped. “This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, honey,” Goldenflower mewed, “but we all know that StarClan works in mysterious ways. It was just their time to go, and--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw refused to listen to any more. He shook his head with a snarl and stormed away, his tail bristled. Strangely, he noted that his mother didn’t chase after or even call his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Forget going to Cinderpelt. That wouldn’t help </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, a face and a name appeared in his mind that might be able to give him some answers. He stopped, turned, and dashed over to Firestar’s den underneath Highrock. Just as he was about to go in, however, a cat nudged his flank.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Firestar is out hunting,” Whitestorm told him. “Why don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> assist you instead?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw jumped at the sight of him. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whitestorm let out a quiet chuckle. “Just, being ThunderClan’s loyal deputy, Brambleclaw.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw narrowed his eyes. “You’re not Graystripe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whitestorm visibly flinched at that deadpan comment. “I find it hurtful that you’d compare me to my son,” he meowed calmly. “I didn’t think you were even very close to him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I’m not-- I mean, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he stammered. “I mean-- </span>
  <em>
    <span>urgh</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” He shook his head violently. “Why is everything so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> today?! First the maggots, then Goldenflower, then-- well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whitestorm sighed, “Brambleclaw, I think you should--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Should what? See Cinderpelt? As if </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’d</span>
  </em>
  <span> do anything!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re very clearly in a state of distress,” Whitestorm meowed. “At least take some deep breaths for me. Perhaps you have a head tumor. Those can make your mind go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the senior warrior’s request, Brambleclaw forced himself to inhale deep, shaky breaths and let them go. Before he knew it, he was breathing steadily, and his heart wasn’t pounding in his chest as roughly as it was previously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good,” Whitestorm mewed. “Now are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> you won’t like to see Yellowfang?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw nearly started panicking again at that. “But Cinderpelt--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Is out of camp, picking herbs,” Whitestorm finished for him. “She has quite a bit to fill her store with. Yellowfang is still the senior medicine cat, so she’ll do fine for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll see her. Maybe there </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> something wrong with my head.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever it is, I’m sure she can make it right again,” Whitestorm meowed. “Now off you go, Brambleclaw.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw, slowly this time -- he’d compare it to how a badger lumbers -- made his way to the medicine den. His fur brushed along the stone wall as he entered, his gaze searching for Yellowfang.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sure enough, said elder emerged from behind a curve in the wall. “I expected you to visit me sooner or later,” she huffed. “Heard you yowling about crowfood just not long ago. Now, name off your symptoms to me, and we’ll see what we can do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“O-Okay,” Brambleclaw murmured. “I’ve been… thinking crazy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang only stared back at him blankly when he didn’t elaborate. “...Thinking crazy,” she repeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought Ferncloud and Birchkit were still alive, I forgot Whitestorm was deputy -- for some reason, I thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>Graystripe</span>
  </em>
  <span> was deputy? Uhm, I saw maggots in a mouse Sorrelpaw hunted and gave to me to eat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And by the way you’re talking, I’ll assume the mouse was fine,” Yellowfang meowed. “I honestly don’t think your mind is ‘crazy,’ Brambleclaw. You just sound like you’re seeing things and misremembering. Don’t get me wrong: this is </span>
  <em>
    <span>absolutely</span>
  </em>
  <span> cause for concern.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But…?” he mewed, sensing more to come.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span> it's not too bad -- yet,” she finished. “I’ll need more details to be sure of what to do, though. How did this all make you feel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Scared. Angry. Confused. Insane.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anxious?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw nodded rapidly. “Definitely. Whitestorm helped me with my breathing, though. Deep breaths.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang let out an affirmative noise. “Good. Remember that for if you start feeling anxious again. Now, I do believe there’s a possibility of physical health issues, but mostly I’m just seeing emotional and mental instability.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… how do I fix it?” Brambleclaw mewed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll keep an eye on you just in case this </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen to be a tumor or something like that,” she meowed, “but mostly? Just visit me every so often, and we can take it from there. Maybe make sense of these delusions and hallucinations, and so on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just then, Yellowfang turned and pushed through her store without another word. Before he had the chance to say something himself, she’d pulled her head out and placed a sprig of thyme at his paws.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take that for now. It’ll calm what’s left of your anxiety. You’re still quaking.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw nodded, for what felt like the billionth time today. “Thank you so much, Yellowfang,” he meowed. “I don’t know what ThunderClan would do without you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang snorted. “You sound like your father.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An image flashed through his mind of Tigerstar, spread open, blood pouring out of his belly, a tiny black cat with a stark white paw standing before him…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, no, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> one!” Yellowfang meowed. “Foolish cat. I mean your </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> father!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An image, this time, of deputy Fireheart, sitting with Sandstorm, looking through the corner of his eye at Bramblekit, a twinge of fear hidden shallowly in the emerald---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, but I suppose I was wrong to assume you saw him as one at all,” she meowed quietly. “You always saw the fear, the thinly-veiled disgust and horror he remarked you with, when you were just a kit. You were only a </span>
  <em>
    <span>kitten</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Brambleclaw.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How could he see me in that way…?” Brambleclaw murmured, his eyes beginning to glisten. “I was so young, so small… I didn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> about Tigerstar. All I knew, was that our deputy saw something rotten in me, and he was right.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He, and so many others, viewed you as a fox before you even grew your fangs and the russet of your pelt,” Yellowfang mewed. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span>. StarClan saw--- </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> saw what I would become, and they punished me in advance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They assumed,” Yellowfang told him. “That doesn’t mean you’re forgiven for proving them right, but they jumped to conclusions and </span>
  <em>
    <span>assumed</span>
  </em>
  <span> your future. No kit or apprentice could </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> deserve that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw couldn’t bring himself to answer, despite the fact that the words strangled his throat, crying out for a release, any sort -- whether it be through yowling or a desperate, near-silent whimper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, poor kit,” Yellowfang murmured. “I understand you’re just a small thing, but you’ve got to take a stand. All right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit nodded, not having the energy to be surprised at his regressed form.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve got to cancel the battle,” Yellowfang went on. “Can you do that for me? For your Clanmates?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit stayed silent, still choking on his words, and he felt a nod or a shake wouldn’t be nearly enough of an answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want to be a good, strong warrior, don’t you, Bramblekit?” Yellowfang asked gently. “There’s nothing more honorable than sparing senseless bloodshed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit only stepped forward and buried his tiny muzzle in her messy belly fur, seeking any source of comfort. All of this was too much pressure on his little mind, and he couldn’t handle it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If not for me, or for everyone else,” Yellowfang meowed, “make Firestar proud. He believes in you, even still, even now. Don’t make him seem a fool.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit finally murmured, “Okay,” which was slightly muffled by her fur.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang nodded. “Good. Now, toughen up that mind of yours. You’ve gotta come out of that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit pulled away. “What do you mean?” he mewled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Bramblekit, you still have your thyme to take, and I think it’s best if you take it in a stronger mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit didn’t speak again. He only shut his eyes, focusing on the night he had before him: cancelling a battle, getting into trouble with Tigerstar and Hawkfrost---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he only felt himself shrinking even further.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not stressful things,” Yellowfang told him. “Just </span>
  <em>
    <span>grown</span>
  </em>
  <span> things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hunting. Licking his wounds after a border skirmish. Talking about training results with his denmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblepaw opened his eyes, satisfied. He bent down to take his thyme, but Yellowfang interrupted him with an “uh-uh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Even more,” she urged him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblepaw shook his head. “Please, no. Please, don’t make me get bigger. This feels safe to me. Please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang sighed. “Fine, go ahead then. Just don’t stress yourself out more.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblepaw quickly took the thyme in his mouth, chewed it once, and swallowed it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Colors. Thoughts. Shapes. They were everywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The medicine den was replaced by the sandy hollow, was replaced by the Sky Oak, was replaced by Fourtrees, was replaced by Snakerocks, was replaced by the forest camp, was replaced by the lake’s leader den, was replaced by---</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Replaced. Replaced, replaced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he was, was a replacement -- a bare-bones replacement -- of Firestar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If Tigerstar and Firestar had a kit, more like!” someone corrected him, from somewhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The voice was too vague for him to put a face to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing was anywhere, and he was everywhere.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was drowning in the lake. He was falling from a tree. He was being bitten by a snake, and a she-cat was laughing in his face, screaming about her kits and how he deserved it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was following his mother and littermates in a freezing cold, snowy night, and he collapsed into the snow as they took a break, and soon they got up to move some more, but he was already devoid of warmth, and he would never move again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was being crushed by boulders as cats, both enemy and Clanmate, stared on. He was in a fox trap, his own deputy and foster son pulling it tighter. He was drowning in rats surrounded by newfound Clanmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He bled to death as he pushed kits out of his body, his mate’s best friend and their medicine cat at his side. He was being split open by a Twolegplace rogue at the head of a vicious group. He was murdered in front of his Clanmates as his own leader watched on, letting ShadowClan strangers dig wounds into him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. He was frozen on Highledge, watching his Clan below.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re in my spot,” a ginger tom told him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded and backed up, letting the ginger tom take his place. “What’s your name?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am Sunstar, thank you. Now, Tigerclaw, you know you aren’t leader just yet, so hop down,” he teased.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded once more and obeyed, feeling shame burn his cheeks and ears. In his distraction, he hardly noticed someone calling his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Brambleclaw!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw shook himself, seeing the medicine den and Yellowfang once more. He blinked slowly, looking around, dazed. “W-What---”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said, you can go,” Yellowfang meowed. “It should kick in within some moments if it hasn’t yet.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I… I just saw---”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yellowfang rolled her eyes. “It’s normal, you mouse-brain. If you need anything else, you know where to find me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brambleclaw turned and left without another word or gesture. In fact, he was speechless -- how </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span> could he process what he’d just witnessed? He suddenly felt hundreds of seasons old, like he’d outgrown his pelt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bramblestar!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A foreign name to him, but familiar all the same. It was enough to jolt him awake, and he looked around in the darkness, seeing his same old den. Squirrelflight stood in the entrance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you gonna fight or not, you meathead?” Squirrelflight asked. “It’s almost moonhigh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, actually, we---”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head. What, would he listen to the words of some dead cat from a nightmare? No, he’d be a good son and follow his father and brother’s wish.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fighting. Is everyone ready?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A few are a bit nervous, but yeah,” Squirrelflight replied. “I’m getting restless. Can we go already?” As if to exemplify her point, she hopped in place from paw to paw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblestar let himself laugh a little at his mate. “Yeah, sure. Let’s get the patrol together, and we can go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Squirrelflight doggishly wagged her tail at that. “Yeah, go, Bramble!” She darted out of the den before he could say anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblestar brought himself to his paws, and he followed her out at a slower pace. When he got to her side, he meowed, “You seem excited.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, not really,” she confessed. “I just wanna get it over with. All this thinking about it has me going in circles.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblestar frowned and nuzzled into her fluffy throat fur. “I’m sorry. We just have to defend ourselves when we’re provoked.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To his surprise, Squirrelflight nudged him away. “You don’t gotta baby me, y’know,” she meowed jokingly. “I’m old enough to get why things happen, and I’m strong enough to power through. Let’s just do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, maybe you could help me out, because I’m feeling a little helpless.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Squirrelflight raised a brow. “You’re the one who declared this battle in the first place.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t mean I feel happy about it,” he murmured. “Please, just... help me out here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what do you want? Me to comfort you, or...?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblestar nodded. “Please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Squirrelflight sighed and forced his head down so she could put hers on top of it. “It’ll be okay. We’ll show those fish-muchers who’s who and what’s what, and how things will work. They’ll never steal from us again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblestar had never been so happy to have been talked down to like he was a kit. In fact, he felt similarly to when he’d shrunk those times in his dreams, but... this was real life, in the real camp, with his real mate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But, despite his giant body, he still felt so small, and so young, and so helpless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit whimpered, his voice lighter than usual, “I don’t wanna fight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve gotta,” Squirrelflight meowed. “You’re our leader. Who </span>
  <em>
    <span>else</span>
  </em>
  <span> is gonna charge into battle at the head of our patrol?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bramblekit shrugged, with those massive shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly. It’ll be alright, Bramblestar. I’ll be right there beside you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That name felt so wrong, too mature and too grown for a little kit like himself. He knew he was in a body that towered even her, and he was the leader of a whole Clan, but he knew, deep down, that he was just a kitten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You were only a </span>
  </em>
  <span>kitten</span>
  <em>
    <span>, Brambleclaw.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head again and pulled away from her. “Just give me a moment. I have to make dirt.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so he went, ducking into the dirtplace. He just stood, trying to catch his breath. There, again, as if he’d asked for it directly, was Whitestorm’s voice:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re very clearly in a state of distress. At least take some deep breaths for me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In, and out. In, and out. Deep, focused breaths until they ran clear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he was Bramblestar again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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